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Seriously. Shoot Your Agent.

By TK Burton | Industry | September 2, 2010 |

By TK Burton | Industry | September 2, 2010 |

Well, it looks like Dwayne Johnson, aka The Rock, is determined to never be the great action star we want him to be. I loved him in The Rundown and Be Cool, but other than that, he’s been consistently disappointing, choosing simple-minded, child-friendly low-brown fare.

Now, he’s set to replace Brendan Fraser in the sequel to the god awful Journey to the Center of the Earth 3D. This one will be called Journey 2: The Mysterious Island (get it? It’s a play on words! It’s so clever! Die suffering!), and is loosely based on Jules Verne’s novel “The Mysterious Island.” Josh Hutcherson, who played some-fucking-body in the first entry, is set to return. Here’s a synopsis, if you give a shit (hint: you shouldn’t):

Johnson will play the boyfriend of Sean’s mother and is forced to come along on a trip with Sean to find his missing grandfather on a mythical and monstrous island.

Seriously, Dwayne, what the fuck, man? Is it your agent? Are there incriminating videos? Did you sell your soul to the devil? Nail the wrong guy’s wife? Sweet face-fucking Buddha, you’re supposed to be Arnold for the new generation. Tough, badass, clever, funny, charismatic. I’d rather see another Doom than this nonsense.

OK, that’s not true. All the Karl Urban in the world wouldn’t make me want another one of those disasters.

But still. For real, Rock. Knock it the fuck off.

(source: Dark Horizons)

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TK Burton is the Editorial Director. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.