Don't Touch Jay-Z and Beyoncé
Hot take alert: I don’t like it when strangers touch me. Neither, apparently, do Jay-Z or Beyoncé. Stars, they’re just like us!
Some guy who thought he was entitled to the Carters’ personal space rushed the stage over the weekend in Atlanta. It happened towards the end of the show, and he made a beeline for Jay and Bey. Unfortunately, he made contact with Jay-Z before security was able to stop him, and as a result, has now been charged with simple battery and was issued a citation for disorderly conduct. Good. Don’t touch people you don’t know.
I was recently walking down a very busy street in Los Angeles, and some guy felt entitled to my attention. He followed me down an entire block before he caught up with me and tapped me on the shoulder. What he wanted, I don’t know, because he was met with a very loud exclamation of “Don’t fucking touch me!” followed by a steady stream of creative expletives that if published, wouldn’t make my mom very happy with me, so I’ll leave it to your imaginations.
I was not on fire. There was not a renegade stampeding herd of elephants barreling toward me. I was not in danger of being hit by a car. There was no reason for a stranger to touch me, just like there was no reason for this man to rush the stage and make contact with Jay-Z.
There are a very limited number of reasons when it is acceptable to rush Jay-Z and Beyoncé on stage. They are:
- 1) A gang of ninjas have threatened to attack the stage the moment the music ends. If this is the case, you can rush the stage, but you better be able to show your work that this is a legitimate threat. We all know ninjas have cooled their jets since the Spice Girls fought back in 1997.
- 2) Someone has a medical emergency, and you are a trained medical professional AND help has been solicited from the audience.
- 3) A portal to another dimension has inadvertently opened on the stage, and you are the only one who can close it before it sucks everyone into an alternate dimension where dancing is outlawed (the fabled ‘Footloose’ realm that Einstein hypothesized, and Kevin Bacon has tried to warn us about.)
- 4) Jay-Z and Beyoncé personally invite you by name and you are escorted to the stage to rush it.
- 5) You are Blue Ivy Carter.
That’s about it. Unless these very specific instances apply, don’t rush the stage, and don’t touch people you don’t know.
Header Image Source: Getty
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