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Don't Panic: Jennifer Garner Is NOT Fronting A Creationism Movie

By Kristy Puchko | Industry | February 22, 2017 |

By Kristy Puchko | Industry | February 22, 2017 |

Divorces are terrible things, and we really shouldn’t take sides, but Team Garner all the way. Still, the lady who refuses to be the ashes of Batfleck’s definitely real and not for a movie back tattoo has made some questionable choices with her career lately with films like the sappy Christian drama Miracles from Heaven, the woefully pandering and star-overstuffed Mother’s Day, and Nine Lives, a family-comedy where she endures a winking sex scene with a cat who is actually her cranky businessman husband.

With this cringe-inducing run, we feared for Garner when spotting THR’s headline that she’d joined a film called Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda. I mean how is that not Creationist propaganda penned by Dr. Banjo.

But fret not, friends! Garner is signing on to co-star in an adaptation of a YA novel about a gay teen being blackmailed! Wait. That still sounds bad. Let’s take a breath and try this again.

Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda is a novel by Becky Albertalli that centers on “not-so-openly gay Simon Spier” who’d prefer to keep his classmates out of his love life. But when class clown Martin discovers Simon’s intimate emails to the mysterious “Blue,” the 16-year-old’s sexual orientation is at risk of becoming his high school’s latest gossip fodder. In need of a wingman to help him romance the new girl in school, Martin blackmails Simon to be his friend and guide to girls. What could possibly go right!?

Garner will play mother to Nick Robinson’s (Jurassic World and the upcoming Everything, Everything) Simon, while A Dog’s Purpose’s Logan Miller will play the blackmailing Martin. Greg Berlanti, best-known as the helmer of the Katherine Heigl “comedy” Life as We Know It, will direct.

Jennifer. Girl. You still deserve better.

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Kristy Puchko is the managing editor of Pajiba. You can follow her on Twitter.