Do You Like Imagining This Man Being Double Penetrated? No? You're Still Welcome!
So, last night, Twilight: Eclipse broke every record imaginable on its way toward a $30 million haul for its midnight screenings. I include myself among those ticket sales. Let me tell you: The good thing about attending a multiplex with seven sold-out midnight screenings of a Twilight film? There’s no wait in the men’s restroom afterwards. The bad news: About an hour-long wait to get out of the parking lot.
Sidenote: I was standing in line to buy some popcorn I was hoping to choke on before the movie began last night, and a father — a guy about 40 years old — turns around and, for no reason at all, offers me an unsolicited sympathetic high-five and says, “This is the worst, right?” I agreed, but I thought it was kind of presumptuous for him to think that I was obviously there against my will just because I’m a dude. Men watch terrible movies too, you know? (Associated Press)
Starz has officially cancelled “Party Down,” and I officially blame every one of you who didn’t watch the funniest show on the air. Or that was on the air. (Really: It’s hard to blame too many of you. Who owns Starz, anyway?) The good news is, you can still watch the show on Instant Netflix. And you should.
The 5th movie in the Final Destination series has a title now. And I’m not shitting you. This is what it is: 5NAL DESTINATION. That’s the sodomiest name ever. (Bloody Disgusting)
Damon Lindeloff has officially begun penning the sequel to Star Trek. In the end of the movie, Chris Pine meets William Shatner … oh, I’m too tired to follow through on a bad “Lost” joke. Please provide your own. (Slashfilm)
I don’t mean to sound like a complete asshole, but Harry Knowles’ review of Twilight gave me mental image that may never, ever go away, that of Knowles as “teenaged girl” getting a “diamond and doggy double dicking.” His words, not mine. I thought I’d share them with you. (Movieline)
Elijah Wood is moving to television. He’s signed on to the F/X comedy pilot “Wilfred,” which is “about a guy, the girl next door and a mixed-breed dog, Wilfred, who is part Labrador Retriever and part Russell Crowe on a bender.” What? (THR)
And speaking of LoTR actors, Andy Serkis is set to star as the main chimpanzee in Caesar, the Planet of the Apes prequel. (The Wrap)
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