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Do NOT Dis the Baynis

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | May 19, 2010 |

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | May 19, 2010 |

The micro-peen has struck again. What does tiny-schlonged director Michael Bay do when a too-good-for-him starletard talks smack about the director, comparing him to Hitler, the only known being with a smaller dick that Michael Bay? He puffs up his chest, walks in with an overcompensating swagger, and he shitcans Megan Fox. Did the big bad director get his feelings hurt? There, there, Michael Bay. It’s OK. I’m sure you can find another empty vessel with enough talent not to laugh at the size of your dick when you’re testing out the casting couch.

Indeed, Deadline is reporting that — despite the fact that Megan Fox had been told she’d be in the third installment (and had apparently begun the very hard work of all-day sun-tanning), Paramount has decided not to exercise its option on Fox for the third film. The decision, apparently, was Bay’s. Moreover, screenwriter Ehren Kruger — who composes scripts by smashing his toy Transformers into each other and transcribing the results — will be adding a new love interest for Shia LaBeouf’s character in the third movie, someone who “makes more sense for the story.” In other words, someone else’s ass to plaster on the movie posters. May we suggest Odette Yustman, who has the best fake, airbrushed ass in the business.

The decision to fire Megan Fox caps months of manufactured controversy, which began during Fox’s promotion of Jennifer’s Body. At the time, she said of Bay that he likes to “create this insane, infamous mad-man reputation. He wants to be like Hitler on his sets, and he is. So he’s a nightmare to work for.” The two sides have been having a public relations war ever since, culminating in the departure of Megan Fox from the franchise.

You know, Bay. You can fire all the actresses you want, man. But it won’t increase the size of your dangly bits.

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.

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