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Why Must You Turn This into a House of LIES?

By Brian Prisco | Industry | January 21, 2010 |

By Brian Prisco | Industry | January 21, 2010 |

James Frey — shamed by Oprah — decided to partner up and write a young adult sci-fi novel called I Am Number Four. It’s about an alien who pretends he took drugs to make people think he’s cool and a worthwhile person. Then he gets fired from CNN. And then everyone realizes he’s a douchebag. I’m kidding of course. It’s about a group of aliens who escape from their home planet after a race of enemy aliens destroy their planet.

Anyway, D.J. Caruso has signed up to direct this. That’s kind of like winning the lottery — for $100. Caruso wowed yawned audiences with Eagle Eye, and so for his follow up, he’s making a kid-friendly alien flick about aliens on the run. Look, pal. If The Rock couldn’t impress audiences, nothing you do will matter. You’re the Milhouse of filmmaking.

Frankly, I LIKED A Million Little Pieces, whether it was true or not. I hoped that the shit that was detailed in the book didn’t actually happen to another human being. Does it matter if it’s true or not? It’s not like he faked that he was a goddamn Muslim woman trapped behind enemy lines. He faked rehab. That’s what most celebrities do, he was just working in reverse.

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