It’s a movie! It’s a television series! It’s three movies and a television series! JJ Abrams is making it! He and Damon Lindelof bought the rights for $19! Cancel that, now Ron Howard is making it! Viggo Mortensen to star! No, Javier Bardem! And now Universal is reportedly balking at the price tag, shocked I tell you shocked, that three movies and several seasons of television actually cost money. Production hasn’t even started yet, so I suppose now is the time it makes most sense to bail on the project, yet it’s not like there should have been any real change in cost estimates over the last few months to change their minds.
Javier Bardem has been inching ever closer to signing with the project, proving yet again why they don’t call him Xeno on the streets for nothing. But Variety has heard rumors from sources that it’s totally going to be canned now. Of course, they can’t name the sources, and the network had no comment. Yay for journalism! This totally reminds me of how Woodward and Bernstein wrote that one article that said that sources told them the President was corrupt, the White House had no comment, and then they went and wrote about baseball or something instead.
You might make the perfectly fair point that I’m doing even less than they are and am thus a pot calling a kettle black, which never made sense to me as a child since all of our pots were silver and the kettle was bright blue. But on the contrary, I am in fact submitting this story from my iPhone while rummaging through Ron Howard’s dumpster. There are a statistically improbable number of eviscerated cats in here, but I haven’t yet found evidence of his activities on the Dark Tower project.
Whatever, at this point I’ll just be relieved when they do anything. My mood has swung on this project so many times it could have solved the world’s energy problems if I’d only remembered to hook up a fly wheel to it.