Daniel “Ding-Dong Wand” Radcliffe has decided that in his post-Potter future he’s going to sell all that goodwill to the pearl-clutching gals. He’s starring in The Lucky One, a Nicholas Sparks adaptation less believable than a rollicking adventure about an orphan who saves the wizarding world from The English Patient gone wild. Radcliffe will star as a marine who discovers a photograph of a beautiful young girl in Iraq. Committing romantic serial crime number 4, he tracks her down and starts up a romance with this child-rearing divorcee. Thank God they cast Lily Rabe, because otherwise I’d have to make a career-ruining joke. But who the fuck is Lily Rabe?
It’s Nick Sparks, who fists a teddy bear with a Thomas Kinkade painting worth of violin strings and Kleenex every time he pens a tale, so you know it’s going to be awful. Is it me, or is there just a fucking preponderance of these military-based romantic dramas as of late? I feel like I’m gagging on a Dingleberry flavored Bertie Botts.
As soon as production wraps on film seven part twain, Emma Watson’s about fit to peel off her kit for the first paycheck that rolls along. Rupert Grint’s been picking some solid secondhand products. But my hope is that Neville and Malfoy star in the next Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels-derivative. Oh, Harry. You were the Boy Who Lived with the dangly wang. Keep fishing, lad.