I’ve Been Straight for 17 Days! Just Not in a Row
Who says we don’t appeal to the older readers? Hey: Granpops. Remember Sam Kinison? You do? What, that must make you at least 30, which is the new 20 in the real world, but in the Internet world? You may as well be the parent of one of those goddamn “American Idol” contestants, you old geriatric bag of shit. If you remember Sam Kinison, that makes you old enough to remember the clapper. You probably watched Rainbow Brite when you were a kid. Hell, you probably remember a time before Etch-a-Sketch’s rendered perfect 3D holograms. What? You’re 35? Pushing 40? Jesus Christ, I can’t believe they even let you on the Internet. And stop calling it Twattering, old man. It’s called a Tweet. And that’s a very advanced, sophisticated means of communication, dumbass. Get with the emoticon program. And don’t you know, Twitter brought back LOL full steam. How else can you express your immense joy at the # signed 140 character sermon about what @ddpendant had for fucking lunch. Owwwwww! OWWWWWW!
Anyway, several months ago, we brought you the news that Dan Fogler would be starring in a Sam Kinison (R.I.H.) biopic. I was disgusted with the choice, if only because Fogler is only above Katherine Heigl and Dane Cook on my “I’ve Got One Day Left to Leave Shooting Spree” list. Fogler was the enormous cumstain in Balls of Fury and Good Luck Chuck, and no matter how many times I heard he was great on Broadway, I refused to believe. Until now.
Film School Rejects discovered the tape for Fogler’s audition for the Sam Kinison biopic. And though it pains me immensely to say it: Dude nails it. It’s vintage Kinison, too. And totally worth the four minutes of your life it’ll take to watch it. It’s just a goddamn shame that Tom Shadyac (Patch Adams, Bruce Almighty) is directing. And it doesn’t change my opinion that Fogler has no business playing Hitchcock, as he is in The Number 13, due out in 2011.