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Your Daily Remake News

By TK Burton | Industry | September 8, 2009 |

By TK Burton | Industry | September 8, 2009 |

Anyone up for schlocky, derivative horror movie news?

Tough shit. We’ve got two classics from my youth up for grabs today. First off, the third Halloween remake… or the remake of the third Halloween… or… um… Anyway, it’s going to be in 3D (oooh! Halloween 3! In 3D! Couldn’t you just die?). And the director has been chosen, and it’s someone every bit as uninteresting as you expected! Patrick Lussier, who previously wasted our time in three dimensions with My Bloody Valentine 3D, has been selected. I know. Try to remain calm.

I’ll wait.

OK, that’s enough. In even less interesting news, the writer for the Children Of The Corn remake has been chosen. Yes! Another remake! I’m trembling. The original 1984 version was a deeply, deeply flawed, yet entertaining and relatively effective little movie, that spawned six (!) sequels, all ranging from wretched to horrendous. The new version will likely star a Jonas brother trying to give an “adult” performance and some broad from “The Hills.” Hopefully, both of them are killed.

I don’t mean in the movie.

Anyway, Dimension has signed Ehren Kruger to write the script. Kruger has in the past brought us such gems as Reindeer Games and Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen. Oof. Brutal.

(h/t to SlashFilm)

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TK Burton is the Editorial Director. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.