Last fall, we reported that Nic Cage had signed on for the revenge flick, Drive Angry, about a man who goes on an interstate vehicular rampage after his daughter is killed and his grandchild is kidnapped. The film will be directed by Patrick Lussier (My Bloody Valentine 3-D), and since then has picked up Amber Heard and William Fichtner. The newest addition is Charlotte Ross, who is probably most famous for showing her ass to a little kid in “NYPD Blue” and being another of those brainwashed PETA knuckleheads. In Drive Angry she’ll play a the waitress love interest.
While I love me some William Fichtner — the guy is awesome, even when it’s bit parts like his two minutes in The Dark Knight — and Heard was great in her small roles in Zombieland and Pineapple Express (I haven’t seen any of her starring roles), this movie seems like it’ll be, at best, a throwaway B-movie. I’ve concluded that, at this point in time, Nicolas Cage just doesn’t give a fuck anymore. How could he? I mean, with the exception of The Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call - New Orleans which was admirable only for his brainfuckingly insane performance, he’s been in a steady stream of shit for years now.
I feel like Cage is like a deranged drunken monkey in a room full of toxic bananas. He’ll grab anything you put in front of him. He’s got about eleventy billion projects lined up, and none of them sound remotely good. He’s reached that point in a career where I’ll believe anything you tell me about him. He’s starring as a medieval brain surgeon who eats martian babies? Of course he is! He’s directing a live-action Andy Capp movie starring Michael Clarke Duncan that takes place under the sea? Fuck and yes I believe you! He’s going to play a urine-fetishist Mother Theresa in a time-traveling mountain climbing movie? HELL YES HE IS! He’s going to star in a biography of Horatio Alger that’ll be set in Compton and he’ll do the entire thing in blackface pantomime? Why the fuck not?
Why. The. Fuck. Not.