Major League IV has been circling the drain for the last few years, with various rumors popping up about directors being attached and writers working on scripts. So the current word is that an outline was finished for the film back in December after a year of work.

A year?

This isn’t peace in the Mideast guys, this is an R-rated sports comedy script. You don’t need to invent new forms of hyperalgebra to finish this task.

Here, let’s give it a try:

• Establish team sucks with montage.
• Evil owner glares at camera
• Lovable misfits join team and suck
• Fuck the Yankees
• Whatever original cast members are still alive and not in jail for tax evasion show up for the paycheck
• Fuck the Yankees
• Misfits bond over something
• Montage turns it around
• Fuck the Yankees
• Last second problem that must be resolved before or during the big game
• Big game against the Yankees
• Wild Thing plays over the PA
• Fuck the Yankees
• Come from behind in the bottom of the ninth with two outs
• THE INDIANS WIN IT, THE INDIANS WIN IT, OH MY GOD THE INDIANS WIN IT
• Fuck the Yankees

Was that so hard?

In any case, the actual new development of interesting is pretty funny. See, when the rumor got out that the film really was likely to happen, and serious pre-development like year-long outlining was going on, Corbin Bernsen called up the studio and asked what the deal was. They told him that his services would not be necessary.

Charlie Sheen was not amused, saying “I would love it for him to be in … but I ain’t the writer or director … I’m a hired gun … I’ll do my best.”

The hilarious thing is that Sheen could get him on board quite simply. See, Sheen makes somewhere around $30 million per year on “2.5 Men,” which means that in all likelihood his paycheck is going to represent the biggest part of the budget for any foreseeable Major League IV. All Bernsen gets is part time “Psyche” work, so all Sheen would really have to do is trim it back to three hookers a day instead of four and there would be room in the budget for Bernsen.

Personally, I think Roger “what do you want me to do? Dive for it?” Dorn would make a fantastic Yankees manager.

It’s doubtful though that this will ever actually get the greenlight. We’re talking about a two decade old movie that fell just shy of the $50 million mark at the box office. Even adjusting for inflation, that doesn’t come close to clearing $100 million at the box office.

Charlie Sheen screened the original at his house last weekend for a bunch of baseball players and original cast members, so maybe he really does hold this particular project close to his heart, but what he said about the sequel was that if it got greenlit and the price was right, he’d absolutely be on board.

Factoring in the cocaine and call girls, I’d say the price will be right for him and the studio approximately three years after the cancellation of “2.5 Men.”

(source: SlashFilm)

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Steven Lloyd Wilson is the sci-fi and history editor. You can email him here or follow him on Twitter.