CBS All Access, the network’s stand-alone streaming service, runs $5.99 a month with limited commercials, and $9.99 a month with no commercials, and I am not going to pay that for a bunch of damn Big Bang Theory and NCIS reruns. There are not enough Blue Blood episodes in the world to convince me.
Wait? You can stream the CBS NFL games now?
No. I don’t care. NO. If I want to watch the game, I”ll just turn on my TV and watch it for free. Besides, one of the only good things going for All Access was the fact that Bryan Fuller was behind its Star Trek reboot. He bailed, so I’m out!
What’s that? The new Star Trek stars Michelle Yeoh, Anthony Rapp, Doug Jones and Sasha from The Walking Dead, Sonequa Martin-Green?
Don’t tease me with Sonequa, y’all. You see that image of her there? You know why she was holding a gun in that spot? Because she was pregnant that season, and she spent much of the season holding huge guns over her stomach area. That’s bad ass.
But no, it’s not going to work. I’m not going to subscribe to … huh? Rose Leslie is going to play the lesbian goddaughter to motherfucking Christine Baranski in a Good Wife spin-off that also stars the woman with the coolest name in television, Cush Jumbo?
PICS OR IT DIDN’T HAPPE …
Oh fuck you, CBS. I’m in.
I heard that last season of Survivor was amazing, so I can catch up on that, too, I guess.