Wolves Are Speedier Than Little Girls, Barely Pausing to Devour Jackrabbits and Squirrels
Fairy tales seem like they should be obvious choices for cinematic adaptation. You’ve got an interesting fable, frequently a dark and twisted one if you’re going to go with most fairy tales’ real stories, and you’ve got the characters. Just give it a little creative spin and viola! Well, Warner Brothers and Appian Way are apparently heading down that road on the way to Grandma’s house — they’ve picked up The Girl With the Red Riding Hood. It’s being called “a Gothic retelling,” according to the LA Times (via Slashfilm).
It’s a fairly interesting idea, I suppose. There’s already another modernized fairy tale in the works, the hilariously titled Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters, as well as the upcoming Humpty Dumpty horror movie (oh, how I wish I was making that last one up). And the studio already has their sights set on a potential Little Red — the doe eyed, quivery-lipped Amanda Seyfried. She’s certainly got the look down, especially if they’re looking for a Red Riding Hood who’s a little more… ah… erm… developed. By which I mean busty.
Anyway, where was I? Oh, right. Well, here’s the rub — the story is apparently pretty sharp, and has been worked over by David Johnson, the writer of the intensely creepy Orphan — people are apparently raving about the script, and it’s somehow drawing thematic and atmospheric comparisons to Shutter Island, which completely baffles me, but whatever. It’s a modern werewolf story that incorporates the Little Red Riding Hood idea, and it sounds like a pretty decent idea. They’ve even got a director attached. Catherine Hardwicke. You might remember her last film, Twilight.
Oh, shit. Yeah, they’re looking to dumb it down for the teen set, which makes my eyes vibrate in the sockets in sheer fury. It’s another one of those brilliantly demented studio moves — by teen-izing it, they’ll make a billion dollars. It’ll also be more likely to end being a pile of shit. But what do they care? Hopefully this will be a better vehicle for Seyfried than Jennifer’s Body, which was a great idea that was executed with mind-blowing incompetence.