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Casting Descriptions for "Star Wars VII" Characters Suggests J.J. Abrams Hates Overweight People

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | June 19, 2013 |

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | June 19, 2013 |

The casting descriptions for the forthcoming Star Wars film are all we have to go on so far in trying to piece together what the film might be about, and from what I can gather by the new characters is that they all have to be “fit,” except for the old guy, because no one cares what the old guy.

Casting calls are like spring training, y’all: As long as you fit one of the descriptions, you all have a chance! Unless you’re overweight, then give up those dreams.

Here are the seven new character descriptions.

  • Late-teen female, independent, good sense of humour, fit.

  • Young twenty-something male, witty and smart, fit but not traditionally good looking.

  • A late twentysomething male, fit, handsome and confident.

  • Seventy-something male, with strong opinions and tough demeanour. Also doesn’ t need to be particularly fit.

  • A second young female, also late teens, tough, smart and fit.

  • Forty something male, fit, military type.

  • Thirtysomething male, intellectual. Apparently doesn’t need to be fit.

    (Bleeding Cool via Vulture)

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    Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.