No One Is Safe From The Ratnerf*cking
Seriously, what the fuck, Casey Affleck. I thought we were down, man. I thought you’d figured out this Hollywood thing. You’ve been on a tear recently, putting on some spectacular performances in some brilliant movies — Gone Baby Gone, The Killer Inside Me, The Assassination of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford — and now this?
And you! Broderick! OK, I know you’re not exactly swimming in offers, but still. You rocked that shit in Election. Your voice was suitably adorable in Tales Of Despereaux. What the hell.
So, Tower Heist is the the comedy about “When a group of hard working guys find out they’ve fallen victim to a wealthy business man’s Ponzi scheme, they conspire to rob his high-rise residence. “ It’s being directed by one of the janitors of Satan’s vomitorium, Brett Ratner. It’s got a cast that includes Ben Stiller, Eddie Murphy, Tea Leoni, Gabourey Sidibe and Michael Pena.
And now Casey Affleck, who will play Stiller’s friend who is opposed to the scheme, and Broderick, who will play the rich asshole. I have no idea how to process this information. Ratner has made exactly 1.5 good movies — Rush Hour and Rush Hour 2. Everything else he’s made has been a hugely successful, tepid pile of shit. So how the hell is he getting this cast? I’m mostly annoyed with Affleck. Stiller will act in a fucking tampon commercial (as the tampon) if it pays well enough. Murphy just needs the work. Same for Leoni and Pena. Gabourey Sidibe is still trying to get herself a wider audience. Broderick… not always too discerning.
I dunno. Noah Baumbach’s script polish must have been a motherfucker. But Ratner will still direct this thing right off a cliff.
Hell is here, people. Hell. Is. Here.