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Cannes Needs Batman: Crime Spree Strikes Film Festival

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Industry | May 22, 2013 |

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Industry | May 22, 2013 |

I kind of feel bad now for all those years of trade news posts referring to the random vice presidents and directors and co-presidents of this or that as disposable executives now that there is apparently a crime spree going down at the Cannes Film Festival.

Last week over a million dollars of jewelry was stolen from an unattended safe in a hotel room. That’s got to make some sort of hall of fame for bad ideas that insurance is never going to cover. Really, they should have hid the jewelry behind all the junk in the minibar. It would have been totally safe because no one ever goes in there. And even if they did, the M&Ms in there would have been more expensive than the diamonds anyway. I also can’t quite decide if this was a fantastic Danny Ocean heist, or if it was just the world’s luckiest burglar, on account of it being so unbelievable that such valuables would be left unattended in a hotel safe, that it’s inexplicable why anyone would have knowingly looked there for them.

But then a rented apartment of an attendee was broken into.

And then the rented villa of a group of, err, well, disposable executives was broken into and a bunch of electronics stolen.

And then another one.

And then the muggings and violence began.

Said one of the victims: “There have always been issues with this sort of thing during the festival. But it seems like there is more of it this year. I think it’s tied to the poor economic conditions.”

No word yet on how these incidents will be blamed on Internet piracy, though I have unconfirmed and completely made up reports that the MPAA is floating the idea of calling muggings “torrenting”.

But so help me if this whole thing ends up being a PR stunt for Bling Ring, I will build an atomic weapon in my garage and drive it to Hollywood myself.

Steven Lloyd Wilson is the sci-fi and history editor. You can email him here or follow him on Twitter.

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