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Here's Your Post Holiday Opportunity Freak the F*ck Out

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | May 26, 2009 |

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | May 26, 2009 |

Hang on to your Charlie horses, folks. You’re going to need to do a lot of rubbing — this one is going to burn. Fran Rubel Kuzui, who directed the original Kristy Swanson Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie is putting together a Buffy reboot. And it’s going to have nothing to do with Joss Whedon or his television show.

Now, come on. Pick yourself up off the floor. Be a man, for God’s sake. Don’t act like Buffy was supposed to be safe from this sort of treatment just because it’s one of your favorite shows of all time. Of course it’s going to be remade. And you’re going to watch it, because that’s the sort of person you are. Now dust yourself off, and pick up all the shit you just pushed off your cubicle desk.

See: Fran Rubel Kuzui and his Kuzui Enterprises have always owned the right to Buffy. They made the first film, and they helped Whedon to launch the series. And clearly, Fran has nothing else going for her. She hasn’t directed anything since the original movie, and besides producing Orgazmo, Buffy has been her life.

The idea here is that she wouldn’t disturb the Whedon universe at all (there will be no Willow, no Angel, etc.) — the reboot will focus on a new generation of Vampire Slayers. Much like J.J. Abrams did with Star Trek, they’ll be able to start all over from scratch (a notion that McG might’ve considered with T4). According to Reuters:

The new “Buffy” film, however, would have no connection to the TV series, nor would it use popular supporting characters like Angel, Willow, Xander or Spike. Kuzui and Vertigo are looking to restart the story line without trampling on the beloved existing universe created by Whedon.

One of the underlying ideas of “Buffy” allows the filmmakers to do just that: that each generation has its own vampire slayer to protect it. The goal would be to make a darker, event-sized movie that would, of course, have franchise potential.

See that? Event movie. Franchise potential. A whole new Buffy. And maybe this time they can do better than Sarah Michelle Gellar (no offense). It’s not so bad, really. They could’ve attempted to bring back Gellar, Boreanz, Michelle Trachtenberg, and Alyson Hannigan and messed up your beloved memories of the TV show. This way, if they screw it up (and they probably will), the collateral damage is minimal. You can keep your Buffy and just tell the new generation Buffy to get off your lawn. No harm done.

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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.