All right, let’s get it going this morning, folks. What’s going on in the world? Brett Favre screwed the Vikings. Glen Beck called Obama a racist. The housing market has finally bottomed. There’s another new iPhone (but you have to be really loyal to see it). And a once respectable, well-thought of, hauntingly attractive, grown-up film star has joined the cast of Twilight.
I think I’m going to fellate a chainsaw.
Bryce Dallas Howard, who has a tendency to be the best part of bad movies (Terminator Salvation, Lady in the Water) looks to repeat that trend. She’s replacing Rachelle Lefevre, who played one of the villains, Victoria, in the first two films (New Moon is due on in November). Howard will take over in Eclipse, which at least looks as though it’ll have a darker turn: David Slade (30 Days of Night, Hard Candy) is taking over as director, and honestly, whatever you think of crappy, sparkly vampires, Mrs. Howard actually would make a stellar vampire. She’s pretty, but she also gives me the willies, a lot like Samantha Morton.
The official reason for Lefevre’s departure is “scheduling conflict,” which is studio doublespeak for: We got Ron Howard’s kid, so shove the fuck off.
Still, I have no interest in seeing Eclipse, but since I have to, I’m at least not dreading it as much as I was previously. Plus, I bet she looks really good covered in glitter.