Word is that Bruce Willis is planning to play one of the leads in a video-game adaptation of Kane & Lynch: Dead Men. I’ve never heard of that video game, but I’ve never heard of a lot of video games. There are many reasons for this, but I’ll spare you all of them.
In Kane & Lynch, Bruce Willis will play a mercenary who makes an unlikely alliance with the schizophrenic killer named James Lynch. Jamie Foxx has apparently been cast as Lynch. I have no idea if that’s a good pairing or not. Is James Lynch an overrated actor who does a mean impression of Ray Charles? If not, I’m not sure that Foxx is worth much the screen time. Simon Crane is directing, based on a script by Kyle Ward. I have no idea who these people are. Congratulations, Bruce Willis. You’ve completely lost the ability to nab an A-list director.
In other casting news of note, Reese Witherspoon will play blogger Ree Drummond in a movie based on her blog, thepioneerwoman.com. It’s about a “city girl falls in love with the country (by way of a cowboy).” There’s some recipes over there, too, if you’re interested. Plus, what looks like some advice on how to home school your children. Here’s the best home schooling advice I can offer: Send them to public school. Good for Reese, though. Her most successful roles seem to be Southern women (Walk the Line, Sweet Home Alabama). No idea when this will go in front of cameras — she’s already lined up for several other projects, including Water for Elephants and McG’s This Means War.
And speaking of McG, Amanda Seyfried is now attached to his The Girl Who Conned the Ivy League, which is based on a Rolling Stone article (they still write articles? And how do you make a movie based on an article under their 350-word limit?). The movie is based on a pitch by Lorene Scafaria, and it’s about a woman who steals a lot of identities, including one that gets her into Columbia University. Problems arise when authorities begin searching for the missing person whose identity was stolen, which leads them to the character played by Seyfried. Seyfried flees. A detective chases her. Everyone has pie.
Please remain seated. Your enthusiasm is a little off-putting.