At last, it has arrived. Incontrovertible proof. Undeniable evidence. Indisputable affirmation.
Satan has won the war.
Because Brett Ratner, the hackiest of hack directors, has chosen his actor for Tower Heist.
Yes, the star of the Focker franchise and the violator of X-Men III are joining forces. According to Deadline, Stiller will play “the overworked manager of a luxury building who, along with other staff, lost their pensions to a Bernie Madoff-like Wall Street crook. It so happens that the fraudster is being held under house arrest in the luxury penthouse apartment upstairs, and the manager and four cohorts figure a heist will make them whole.”
But wait! Before you start saying Ocean’s 11 rip-off (or any other group heist picture, for that matter), Ratner had this to say a few months ago:
It has become the quintessential New York heist movie, where a bunch of blue collar employees in a tower building pull off the ultimate heist…I didn’t get to do [Ocean’s Eleven, written by Tower Heist writer Ted Griffin], I did Rush Hour instead, but I went back to Ted to do a rewrite, and he wanted to start over. His pitch was so good that I took it to Brian [Grazer, producer], who said, ‘let’s get it right.’ I brought the script to Ben on the Little Fockers set, and said this is perfect for you…I asked Noah Baumbach to do some specific character work for Ben. Then my Rush Hour guy Jeff Nathanson brought it home. The major difference from the Ocean’s film is those guys were expert thieves. These are real guys whose talent is they know the inner workings of the building and the people in it.
So, several things here. First, Noah Baumbach did a polish on it. That’sa good thing, considering he’s also written Greenberg, The Squid and the Whale and The Fantastic Mr. Fox. He’s also made Stiller into a somewhat likable character in the past.
But then… Stiller almost did Ocean’s 11? Holy fuck, that would have been an amazing thing. And by amazing, I mean testicle-shreddingly awful. Fortunately, his “Rush Hour guy” finished it. Oh good. I mean, one of the Rush Hour movies was good.
What’s that? Nathanson only worked on Rush Hour 2 and 3? And Speed 2: Cruise Control as well?
Yeah. It’s official. God has been put out to pasture. Hide your children.
Dying time’s here.