film / tv / politics / social media / lists / web / celeb / pajiba love / misc / about / cbr
film / tv / politics / web / celeb


Brett Ratner Might Destroy The Universe

By TK Burton | Industry | April 22, 2009 |

By TK Burton | Industry | April 22, 2009 |

Part of this is true, part of it is pure speculation.

All of it is hilarious.

First: Someone wrote a screenplay about Milli Vanilli. That is, in and of itself, completely shitballs stupid. For those who are too young to remember the Milli Vanilli saga — ah, fuck it. You’re better off not knowing. In fact, quit reading this and go read one of the reviews or something.

For those who were unfortunate enough to live through it, yes, since 2007 a screenplay about “one producer and two lip-syncing male models who sold millions of records and won a Grammy before their scam was revealed” has been bouncing around Hollywood, like a retarded hobo trying to get enough change for a bottle of redemption. That bottle is empty, my friend. Always was, always will be.

Anyway, the speculation part. A couple of websites that I don’t really know that well (translation: don’t trust ‘em as far as you can toss ‘em) are reporting that jackass hack (jackhack? assjack? hackass?) extraordinaire Brett Ratner is in talks to direct. (H/T to /Film for gathering all of that unfortunateness together)

This… this fills me with glee. If it’s true, it means that Ratner has finally found a project worthy of his name. After all, a movie about two idiots pretending to be pop stars by faking their talent deserves a moron pretending to be a director by… well, you get where that joke is going.

Yes, I’m still bitter over X3, fuck you very much.

Anyway, for your enjoyment:

Milli Vanilli actually won a Grammy for this crap. In the darker, hateful part of my brain, there’s a weird fantasy/nightmare where Ratner wins an Oscar for this pic, thereby destroying any semblance of balance in the universe.

(props once again to Lizzieborden for the assist on this post)

TK Burton is an Editorial Consultant. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.

Statham Signs on to The Mechanic | Seventh Moon Trailer