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I Doubt My Commitment to Sparkle Motion

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Industry | March 17, 2010 |

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Industry | March 17, 2010 |

Sources deep within Summit Pictures have leaked news on the director of Twilight: Breaking Dawn, and yes they’re going the high class Oscar route. They’ve asked three Oscar winning directors (Sofia Coppola, Bill Condon and Gus Van Sant) to head up the rumored two part finale to the film series. They’ve got to know that anybody with an ounce of artistic integrity would rather give handjobs to the homeless than helm this project and so have to ask everyone in the Oscar phone book in hopes of stumbling on someone with a bad enough coke habit to take the job. Either that or they’re aiming for the Voltron approach to film directing.

Can you imagine though if one of them took the job on a whim? Think of the possibilities of a great director taking over this film out of pure nihilistic spite. Everyone always tells writers to write what they know, that if you don’t love the story it will shine through. But what if you loathe the subject matter? Can you imagine the vitriolic hate fuck catharsis of just savaging this franchise? Act I: Edward falls into a meat grinder. Act II: The Revelation of Bella’s Penis. Act III: Jacob fucks a goat.

I’d pay to see that.

(source: FilmDrunk)

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Steven Lloyd Wilson is the sci-fi and history editor. You can email him here or follow him on Twitter.