Many weeks ago, we reported here first that Sherlock Holmes producer, Lionel Wigram, was putting together a Treasure Island movie that was meant to update the tale in much the same way that Wigram did with Holmes. At the time, we also reported that Wigram, et. al, had been eying Bourne director Paul Greengrass for the picture, but we severely downplayed Greengrass’ involvement because he was reportedly expected to direct Fantastic Voyage, another seafaring movie for James Cameron, which would’ve given us our first look at shaky-cam in 3D, or as I like to call it: Retch Until You Bleed Vision
Truthfully, the Hollywood Cog told us that Paul Greengrass was in serious consideration to take the director’s chair in Treasure Island, but I was like: Fuck that. There’s no way. He’s doing Voyage and the man’s not going to do two boat movies. He’s not an animal.
Well, that’ll teach me not to listen to the Cog, that fucking know-it-all, with his always reliable inside news. He knows. I don’t. I should just shut the fuck up and listen.
Indeed, Deadline is reporting that Paul Greengrass won’t actually be directing Fantastic Voyage, after all. In fact, he was reportedly lured away from Voyage by the prospect of doing Treasure Island. He’s not officially on Treasure Island yet, but it looks promising, which means that his shaky-cam will be making its way toward the sea, although I’m hoping that, in this case, it’s not 3D. That’s just too much.
Personally, this is my second fuck-up in regards to Robert Louis Stevenson in recent weeks. In addition to questioning the knowledge of the Hollywood Cog, a couple of weeks ago, my pub trivia team was asked who wrote Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and when one of my teammates suggested it was Stevenson, I told him he was flat-out fucking wrong. Stevenson wrote Treasure Island, not Dr. Jekyll.
As it turns out, 19th century authors can actually write more than one famous novel, proving once again that I’m 20 percent dumber without access to Google.