Biz Break: The Adaptation of that Pathetic Jumble of Literary Diarrhea May Have Landed a Director, Plus First Look at Spider-Man's Rhino
Photos abound from the tentpole productions of this summer (and the next) and most are spoilery. I won’t divulge the spoiler-heavy (possibly) photo from The Amazing Spider-Man 2. Instead I present to you the pre-transformation Rhino, Paul Giamatti.
He looks pretty Rhino-ish to me. I just hope that his full transformation makes good use of prosthetic pieces and relies less on digital manipulation. Sadly, we all know that’s not going to happen. Let’s just pray to Godtopus that he doesn’t end up looking like Rocksteady. Belly-baring tanks are out for mutant-looking motherf*ckers this season.
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes has taken a page from the original 60s Apes movies and plopped Caesar on a horse. In the 10 years between the Rise of the Planet of the Apes and Dawn, Caesar has been getting his minions together and enslaving horses. Which, didn’t Caesar secede from human society because he and his fellow apes were treated so badly? I hope no one ever makes the horses smarter than the average bear, or we’re getting Rise of the Planet of My Little Pony.
Neil Patrick Harris has joined Seth MacFarlane’s A Million Ways to Die in the West. The rest of the cast includes Charlize Theron, Liam Neeson, Amanda Seyfried, Sarah Silverman, Giovanni Ribisi, and MacFarlane himself. Universal will distribute the Western when it hits theaters May 30, 2014.
You may feel a bit of déjà vu at this next piece of news, as I seem certain I’ve heard it before. Gremlins might be getting a third movie, twenty-three years after the sequel hit theaters. “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies” scribe Seth Grahame-Smith is said to be producing along with David Katzenberg. Grahame-Smith is currently penning the Beetlejuice sequel for Tim Burton and I’m going to go cry now, okay?
Last and certainly least, Joe Wright is the latest director to be attached to the Fifty Shades adaptation by wisps of truth and rumors. Wright is best known for directing such proper British fare as Pride & Prejudice, Anna Karenina, and Atonement. Helming the production of a trashy heap of steaming sh*t like Fifty Shades seems out of character. Or maybe Wright has been waiting for the chance to direct such glowing dialogue as “Anastasia, you were comatose. Necrophilia is not my thing. I like my women sentient and receptive.” or “How do you make yourself come? I want to see.”
PURE POETRY. Now excuse me. I need to clean up some internet history to hide the fact that I searched for lines from that pathetic jumble of literary diarrhea.