After dining on the tears of my enemies and having some Guinness brats for dinner, I have renewed strength and the feeling that is the opposite of annoyed. I’m downright giddy about some of these trade news items. Let’s start with the news that there will be two, count ‘em, TWO Hercules movies coming to a theater near you. We already talked about Brett Ratner’s and Dwayne Johnson’s Hercules. Now an opponent has entered the ring! Renny Harlin’s Hercules 3D will be released five months before Ratner’s 2D take. I’m ecstatic about this because it, along with last year’s Snow White movies, means we can probably look forward to two movies about the exact same thing every year. Let’s get two Pinocchio gritty origin stories for 2014, The Butcher, The Baker, and The Candlestick Maker go on a journey (twice!) in 2015, and 2016 will usher in the duelling bloody rebellions of the Gingerbread Men.
Chuck Palahniuk’s “Haunted” has gained the funding needed to become a movie. That’s right, you’ll be able to see instead of imagine the infamous “Guts” portion of the book when Koen Mortier (Ex-Drummer) attempts to bring the nonlinear novel to screen. I haven’t read the novel, but I’ve been curious enough to read “Guts.” It’s…butt-clenching. Painful to read but so tempting to continue until the payoff. Then you get there and kind of wish you had backed away from the pain to spare yourself the visuals bouncing around in your head. It will either be hackneyed and Final Destination cheeseball or vomit-inducing and Human Centipede-like in detail. I’m very interested to see how this project turns out.
Rob Zombie has made another movie. This one isn’t a Halloween remake and doesn’t include the Firefly family (as far as I know). It’s been a while since the teaser for the Sheri Moon Zombie led The Lords of Salem was released. This trailer makes it look like most other horror films, until a few flashes of creature faces and the ‘acting’ of Zombie remind you what you’re watching. House of 1,000 Corpses pissed me off so badly that I bitched about it on the way out of the theater, to the sheer delight of the other patrons. The Devil’s Rejects was intriguing to me, but ultimately fell flat in delivering anything new or particularly interesting to me. Your mileage on those may vary. The Halloween movies? Let’s forget them. The Lords of Salem has me interested in what Rob Zombie has to show me again. Let’s hope this horror movie is one that most fans can agree on. Or not.
Last of all, I leave you with these pictures from Pacific Rim. We get a closer look at Charlie Day, Charlie Hunnam, Rinko Kikuchi, and the Giant-Ass Robots. I am very excited about this movie.