Biz Break: Natalie Portman Wants to Drink and Fight. Natalie Portman Wants to F**k All Night
Natalie Portman is lined up for the lead in an adaptation of Megan Abbot’s novel Dare Me, which is being described as “Heathers meets Fight Club, with teenage cheerleaders.” I threw my wallet at my monitor before I even finished writing that. HEATHERS MEETS FIGHT CLUB? TAKE MY MONEY NOW. Michael Sucsy (The Vow) is set to direct.
Liam Hemsworth continues to take lead roles with his replacement of Armie Hammer in Cut Bank. The movie sounds predictable, with Dwayne McLaren (Hemsworth) being eager to leave behind his auto mechanic job and former high school football glory in the town of Cut Bank, Montana. How enjoyable the movie will be depends entirely on director Matt Shakman (“Mad Men”) and the supporting cast of John Malkovich, Billy Bob Thornton, Teresa Palmer (Warm Bodies), Bruce Dern, Oliver Platt and Michael Stuhlbarg (Seven Psychopaths, Lincoln). Possibly on Hemsworth too.
In tenuous connection via brotherhood, superheroes, and The Avengers, we move onto news concerning Captain America: The Winter Soldier. It looks like ol’ Papa Stark will be appearing with the Cap again, as Dominic Cooper has shot scenes for the film. However, it seems he doesn’t even know how he would fit into the new movie.
“I went off and shot something, but I can’t even work out how my character can be in it. Wouldn’t I be dead? But anything is possible. They are quite secretive about where they are going to go with the characters and how it will slot in, you have no idea. So you turn up, put your costume on and do as you are told.”(MTV)
“I have definitely put the costume on. I have worn the costume and we have shot something, but how it’s going to enter into the next phase of what they are planning I don’t know. I sound so dodgy, I don’t even believe myself! I have shot some scenes.”
Arnold Schwarzenegger will be in the unneeded, unwanted, and wholly unholy Terminator 5 as the main Terminator. Still feeling alright with the world? Schwarzenegger says he is also set to film a sequel to Twins called Triplets and will be returning to his Barbarian roots in a Conan sequel. That crazy motherf*cker wasn’t kidding, was he?
Adam Sandler is making another movie. ANOTHER ONE. Sandler’s Happy Madison is producing the remake of a Korean supernatural comedy, called Hello Ghost. Sandler will play a man who attempts suicide, is visited by four ghosts, and those ghosts want him to grant their wishes to fix their crappy pasts. I wonder if Sandler’s character will grant these wishes via magic television remote, telling stories that come true, or cross-dressing.
Melissa McCarthy will be using her voice to play a ghost government agent in DreamWorks Animation’s B.O.O.: Bureau of Otherworldly Operations. McCarthy will play Watts, oddball (SURPRISE!) partner to Seth Rogan’s Jackson Moss. (How much would you like to bet that Jackson Moss died in water or something and his ghost has moss for hair? And Watts was electrocuted and has frizzy hair?) The duo are tasked with taking down their Most Wanted Haunter and his ghost army in order to save the world from being, like, dead or something.
Disney has released their upcoming slate of movies, and the unreleased Planes already has a sequel set for July 18, 2014. What is it called? Planes: Fire & Rescue. I look forward to the last film in the trilogy, hopefully called Planes: Just Another Cog In Death’s Plan.
Last of all, my poor dears, is Marvel will be releasing two new movies: one May 6, 2016 and one May 5, 2017. The Avengers 2 is slated for release on May 1, 2015. So,
WHO IS PHONE what movies will be occupying those dates? Ant-Man? Guardians of the Galaxy 2? Marvel Vs. DC Universe Super Punch-Out Party??