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Biz Break: Natalie Portman and A Potential Case of the Mush-Mouthed Clusterf*ck of Disappearing Accents

By Jodi Smith | Industry | May 1, 2013 |

By Jodi Smith | Industry | May 1, 2013 |

Yesterday I pointed out that the luscious Michael Fassbender is attached to the film adaptation of Macbeth. This was pleasing to many of us. Now we have word that Lady Macbeth will be played by Natalie Portman. This is not as pleasing and we are not amused. First of all, are we to believe Portman can do a Scottish accent, or is this one of those times where the director just says f*ck it and lets the actors pull some mush-mouthed clusterf*ck of disappearing accent attempts? Secondly, I just don’t want. FART ON THIS CASTING NEWS.

Disney’s live-action Cinderella has been through several rumored leads, but director Kenneth Branagh has finally found his girl. Lily James (“Downton Abbey”) will portray the downtrodden step-daughter of the evil Cate Blanchett. Richard Madden (“Game of Thrones”) still has his name in the mix for the role of Prince Charming, but that role now comes down to chemistry with James. Honestly though, who wouldn’t have chemistry with Madden??


Listen. We need to have a talk. I know that you were hurt when Jessica Alba was cast as the blonde-haired blue-eyed Sue Storm. I know it hurt you deeply in places you didn’t even know existed within your soul. It’s okay. They’re rebooting Fantastic Four and they’re interested in casting the already blue-eyed, and easily made blonde, Alison Williams for the role of Sue Storm. Does that make you happy? Does it ease the hurt from being forced to stare into the dead eyes of Alba with those sh*tty blue contacts making it look like she was blinded in an acid incident? Shhh, it will probably all be okay.

In other superhero news, Bryan Singer continues to use Twitter to tease the hell out of people interested in Days of Future Past. I’m not sure if the man is a marketing genius or foolishly over-saturating the web in such a way that people will be sick of the movie before it is even finished. Either way, here is a teaser photo of Hugh Jackman as Wolverine.


Mo’ superheroes, mo’ pictures. These set photos come to us from Captain America: The Winter Soldier. Steve Rogers and Natasha Romanoff have teamed up in present day to take on an evil jerk in Washington D.C. Thanks, Superhero Hype!


Last of all, the genius behind Birdemic: Shock and Terror has put aside his obsession with slr pnls and made a sequel called Birdemic 2: The Resurrection. Watching the Rifftrax version of Birdemic is a thing of unprecedented beauty and hilarity. I can only slobber in anticipation of the Rifftrax for this turd. It looks like they’ve upped the budget to include four more pixels per bird and enough Red Bull to con people into joining the cast. Revel in the synopsis!

“A platoon of eagles and vultures attack Hollywood, California. Why did the eagles and vultures attack? Who will survive? Bill is a struggling filmmaker; Gloria is an aspiring actress. Rod, a Silicon Valley millionaire, finances Bill’s film, a dream come true until eagles and vultures attack Hollywood and it’s up to Rod, his girlfriend Nathalie, new friends and old to mount the resistance. Who will survive? Birdemic II, you asked for it.”

Enjoy this clip and dream of the quips it will spawn from Mike, Bill, and Kevin.

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Jodi Smith is a Senior Reporter, Film & Television at Pajiba. You can email her or follow her on Twitter.