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Biz Break: Lance Armstrong Biopic Is Imminent; Who Will Play His Testicle And Other Casting News

By Jodi Smith | Industry | January 21, 2013 |

By Jodi Smith | Industry | January 21, 2013 |

How do you feel about the story of Lance Armstrong as told with lens flare? J.J. Abrams and his Bad Robot production company have snapped up the rights to the biography “Cycle of Lies: The Fall of Lance Armstrong” by Juliet Marcur. It will chronicle his rise to fame and glory and then his fall from drugging allegations and being a huge asshole in some respects. Great, whatever. Who will play Lance? Sheryl Crow? Whoever else is involved? Will Manti Te’O and Lannay Kekua make an appearance as the Kanye to Armstrong’s confession?

I see Matt Damon as Armstrong. Jennifer Lopez can play Sheryl Crow, because I’m cracking up thinking about it. (Jennifer Lopez, with a guitar and non-applique clothes on? HA!) Oprah can play Oprah.

In casting news that is actually real, Ray Liotta (who smells like apples), Juno Temple (who annoys me for some reason), and Jeremy Piven (he smells of desperation and toupee glue) have been added to the cast of Sin City 2: A Dame To Kill For. I have no proof of who they are playing, but I guess Liotta will be a mobster, Temple will be one of the whores in Oldtown, and Piven will be some slimy asshole.


Zombieland may still be on track as a television show on ABC. io9 snagged a casting script and you can read all about the characters as they will (possibly) be portrayed on tv. What small screen stars would be suited to take over for Emma Stone, Jesse Eisenberg, Woody Harrelson, and Abigail Breslin?

Is Schuyler Fisk still acting? Rachel Bilson could dye her hair. Maybe Rachelle Lefevre would be interested in playing Wichita. She could use a job.

Who would you cast?

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Jodi Smith is a Senior Reporter, Film & Television at Pajiba. You can email her or follow her on Twitter.