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Moses Is About to Get Biblical On Your Ass

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | October 12, 2009 |

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | October 12, 2009 |

Moses — the bearded dude who was handed the 10 Commandments from God, parted the Red Sea and led the Jews out of bondage (“Let my people go!”) and had his hand in Passover (mmmmm. lamb’s blood) — is getting a big picture made about him. And not just any big-screen feature movie: An epic, 300 style movie.

In other words, dude is finally getting the star treatment he’s always deserved. Motherfucker is gonna smack some Egyptians around and part the Red Sea Zack-Snyder style, y’all. Give it up. Fox Studios, and its president, Peter Chernin, is setting up the movie, with the aim of delivering a “retelling of the story of Moses, from his near death as an infant to his adoption into the Egyptian royal family, his defiance of the Pharaoh and deliverance of the Hebrews from enslavement.”

You gotta hand it to him, too. The man’s life is full of episodes perfect for multi-million dollar special effects and 21st century gimcrackery: You got boils, plagues, frogs, and the death of all the Egyptian first borns. Cause God ain’t no candy-ass, y’all. When he wants to prove a point, he does it with panache and flair. Cue the Gerard Butler style: “LET MY PEOPLE GO.” I hope they go young, too. I’m thinking Efron with a beard? Amiright?

The script comes from Adam Cooper and Bill Collage, the guys behind … ummmm … Accepted. They seem perfectly suited to the material, right? Anybody who can write this scene deserves to pen the screenplay about the greatest Prophet in the history of mankind:

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.

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