Based on a series of what couldn’t possibly be coincidences, the hard-hitting Los Angeles Times has deduced that Bert and Ernie, while not officially out of the closet yet, are certainly gay friendly, which probably means they’re AC/DC, and that Ernie likes his puppet strings pulled on both ends, if you know what I mean.
Where is this coming from? Apparently, way back in June, Bert tweeted that his hair was more “‘mo,’ a little less ‘hawk’” than Mr. T’s mohawk. And if you’ve been keeping up on you gay slang, you’d know that “mo” is code for man-puppet love. Combine that with the fact that Neil Patrick Harris was on the show a few seasons ago, Wanda Sykes was on the show this season, and will.i.am sang a song on the show, “What I Am,” about accepting who you really are, and the only logical conclusion any of us can possibly draw is that the PBS Children’s Workshop is an orgy of homosexuals infecting our toilet seats with AIDS and trying to turn our children into queers. Hide your children.
In other news, Grover has gotten into the Old Spice Guy parody game, and I’d find this more amusing if it weren’t for the fact that he’s subtly shilling the environmentally detrimental, capitalistic musky Old Spice deodorant.
(I kid. Old Spice is awesome, and so is Grover. My kid has been running around for weeks pretending to be “Super Axl!” and asking if I need any saving today.)