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Baby Goose Gets Even Cuter, Van Damme Gets Desecrated, And Other Trade News For You To Choke On

By TK Burton | Industry | May 18, 2011 |

By TK Burton | Industry | May 18, 2011 |

Greetings, meatsacks. Amazingly, you haven’t been killed for your rank incompetence and failure to meet even the most basic standards of humanity. For that, I’ll give you some miscellaneous trade news. I hope it makes you vomit out your internal organs.

First, Phillip Noyce, a director whose resume would most aptly be described as serviceable, has a new project. Mr. Noyce most recently directed Salt, a goofy film that was actually kind of watchable, though that might be due to the presence of Liev Schrieber, and also directed middling efforts like The Bone Collector and A Clear And Present Danger (though to his credit, he also directed the amazing Rabbit Proof Fence). Anyway, he’s getting on the reboot/remake bandwagon, and he’ll be tackling … Bloodsport. Yes, the 1988 Jean-Claude Van Damme kickboxing flick that co-starred Forrest Whitaker (no, really) and the uber-badass Bolo Leung. I have no idea how to even begin to process the fact that someone is remaking a Van Damme movie. (via Slashfilm)

Next, THR reports that Warner Bros is moving forward with an adaptation of The Lost Years Of Merlin, based on the best-selling YA novel by T.A. Barron. I know nothing of the book, but THR describes it thusly:

An origin story of the mythical wizard. The film will trace Merlin’s journey from being a boy washed on the shores of Wales with no memory and no home, to him becoming a young man learning to use his powers and ultimately defender of the natural world and eventual mentor to King Arthur.

Super. They’ve hired Ed Whitworth, who works for Oprah’s Harpo Productions, and I’m already so bored by this story that you can hear snoring coming out of my ears. Let’s move on.

Did you see Gareth Edwards’ no-budget Monsters? You should, because it’s a surprisingly great movie (review here). Anyway, because of course it is, it’s getting a sequel. Even less surprising, Edwards won’t be directing, and instead the film will be directed by Brent Bonacorso and Jesse Atlas. Edwards and the original’s star Scoot McNairy will executive produce, for what that’s worth. Which is nothing, because keep in mind that Neil Marshall exec produced the abominable Descent 2. Anyway, the plot:

This story will continue by introducing a teacher living in a protected walled city, who has to go into the infected zone to find his long-lost brother, a former military man who is now a Col. Kurtz-esque figure. Niblo promises “lots more creatures” than the original.
(via Dread Central)

Finally, we’ll close things out with something good — a clip of Baby Goose and Carey Mulligan from the upcoming heist flick, Drive. Everything I see and hear about this movie has been pretty awesome so far, and I’m digging Gosling’s understated performance. This clip is far more charming and sunny than the clip we showed a few days ago, making the film that much more interesting. Watch it, fools!

Drive, directed by Nicolas Winding Refn (Bronson, Valhalla Rising) also stars Christina Hendricks, Albert Brookes and Ron Perlman, and that is a fucking kick ass cast if there ever was one.

Pictorial: The Complete Cast of Baz Luhrmann's THE GREAT GATSBY | Pictorial: Plot Description and Cast of OZ: THE GREAT AND POWERFUL

TK Burton is the Editorial Director. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.