Earlier this year, an unofficial trailer for Neil Marshall’s Roman soldiers vs. Picts flick, Centurion was unleashed to the Internet, and it looked a lot like the one below, only grainier. You, me, and everyone who saw it got a raging blood stiffy — they just sliced off that guy’s head! — and many assumed that Neil Marshall would do for Roman legion epics what he did for the horror genre in Descent: Offer something bloody and original that would scare the pants off our legs, or in this case, slice them off with a machete. Michael Fassbender, Dominic West, David Morrissey, and Olga Kurylenko! How could it go wrong, right?
So many of us in the Pajiba crew were so excited about the prospect of this movie based on the trailer, in fact, that when it premiered at SXSW in March, we stood in line for hours to see it. Do you know how much nerd sweat we had to smell in order to see this movie?
Man, it was a disappointment. It wasn’t that it was bad — it was just generic and over-long. Another quest film punctuated with not nearly enough violence. And it failed, in every respect, to live up to its trailer. The movie is so lackluster, in fact, that despite a trailer that could sell the chrome off a trailer hitch, the film is headed to On Demand and your X-Box a month before its theater release, a strategy that’s been widely effective, so far, in not selling any movie tickets at all.
It’s a damn shame, too. Because I dig Neil Marshall. Because Michael Fassbender, Dominic West, and David Morrissey deserve to be in films that are seen. And Olga Kurylenko — she’s nice to look at, although not so much in this movie (she is sans tongue).
Anyway, here’s the trailer.