Another Celebrity Teases a Sequel That No One Wants In Order to Get Press for a Movie No One Will See: Bill & Ted's Edition
Come on, people. We’ve got to start looking through this bullshit already. It’s out of hand. It’s called celebrity attention disorder. It works in two ways:
1) A celebrity or filmmaker makes a big budget film, and in order to generate attention for the movie, he teases a sequel before the movie even comes out even if the movie is not the type that warrants a sequel. Often, a director will say something to the effect of, “I’ve already sketched out a trilogy” for a movie like, say, Beastly, that few people have any interest in. One movie blog picks that sound bite up, 50 more run with it because movie blogs mimic each other, and Presto! There are 50 more posts dedicated to motherfucking Beastly, and you’ve got thousands of readers thinking, “Ooooh! This movie is worthy of a trilogy? Maybe it’s better than it looks.” And then a ridiculously shitty movie like Beastly ends up making $53 million, which is not enough to warrant a sequel, but still $52,950,000 more than it should’ve made.
2) A big star makes a small independent film that no one cares about. However, in order to draw attention to the small film, the big star will tease the sequel to a film that people once actually gave a damn about. This happens constantly — it’s also called the Arrested Development Movie syndrome. No one from the “AD” cast can do a junket without being asked about the AD movie and they all give updates on it because they know it will bring attention to their project, even in a small way like: “Will Arnett updated us EXCLUSIVELY on the status of the Arrested Development movie during an interview for Let’s Go to Prison.”
Keanu Reeves is the latest to pull the stunt, doing publicity for his film [title redacted so as not to play into his silly little game]. During a junket with [publication redacted so as not to reward them for spreading this silliness], Keanu Reeves teased the possibility of a Bill and Ted’s sequel, even revealing a meaningless little nugget about the plot. 50 sites picked it up, and [title redacted] was mentioned at least 50 more times. No ones going to see [title redacted].
Let me just break this to you gently: There’s not going to be a fucking Bill and Ted’s sequel. There’s not going to be an Arrested Development movie. There’s not going to be a Veronica Mars movie. There’s never going to be another Firefly movie. There’s not going to be another Independence Day or Bad Boys movie. There’s almost certainly not going to be a Ghostbusters 3, although the movie will probably be rebooted after the original cast dies.
Are we good? We movie blogs do enough work for publicists, do we really need to go down this road, too?