I have a pair of beautiful, wonderful, fun, and witty friends who have been known to morph into screeching harpies that take delight in ruining the things I love. Recently, while watching The A-Team, they pointed out that Patrick Wilson (a long cherished favorite of mine) is endowed with a particularly feminine pout. The evocative phrase they used, in fact, was “ladylips” (I know, trust me, I know). The whole movie, alternately cackling and pursing their lips, they tore the object of my affection to shreds. The other night during a screening of Willow, one of those harpies took that institute of male beauty, slim Val Kilmer, in her talons and maw. Well, if I can’t have nice things, readers, neither can you:
Patrick “Ladylips” Wilson
Val “Before He Was Puffy He Was Ladylipped” Kilmer
But I didn’t come here today merely to speak to you of ladylips. Ever since British actor Tom Hardy was cast in the new Batman flick (much to the delight of both comic book nerds and ladylips enthusiasts), the internets have been abuzz with speculation. He’ll play a villain, we know…but which? Hardy packs a devastating one-two punch of charm and physical prowess and seems to be one of the few actors who could possibly make us forget about Ledger’s incendiary Joker, if just for two (knowing Nolan closer to three) hours. It was thought, given that Nolan is using the comic plot “Batman: Prey” as the basis for his The Dark Knight Rises script, that Hardy would be portraying Dr. Hugo Strange. Digital Spy is reporting that this is not, in fact, the case. I’m fairly ignorant about all things comic book, but I did feel a pang of regret when I read this sentence about the Strange character: “Strange was so obsessed over Batman that he took to dressing up like him in private.” As we all know, nothing fills out the bottom of the Batcowl like a set of ladylips.
Val “Try Not To Think About the Rubber Nipples” Kilmer
Here to speculate on some other options for Hardy is one of Pajiba’s resident comics experts, D-Day:
“Before Hardy was supposedly set to play Hugo Strange, the leading villain was The Riddler, and even going back before The Dark Knight, you can find items such as the prevailing rumor that Phillip Seymour Hoffman would portray The Penguin. As “cool” as Hardy was in Inception, our best look at his acting chops was in the titular role of 2008’s Bronson. Bronson was built like a truck, frighteningly unpredictable, and about as sane as Russian Roulette with a hand grenade, qualities which translate much more readily to non-Strange villains in Batman’s stable. The physically menacing Bane or the slick, well-tailored Dr. Thomas Elliot (a.k.a. Hush) are well within Hardy’s wheelhouse.
However, since The Dark Knight left off with Batman being chased by the police, it is more likely that the character of Max Cort could come in, as he does in the comic, as an obsessive police sergeant trying to bring Batman in. While the first two installments in this latest iteration of Batman have focused on cleaning up a city overrun by the mob’s corruption, Batman: Prey offers a Gotham that has become hostile to Bruce Wayne’s efforts, in-line with the final act of The Dark Knight. An older, pensive character actor seems a better fit for Hugo Strange, leaving Hardy the Cort role, and an eventual face-to-face (ladies, make your own implications) with Batman.”