An Open Petition To Replace Bruce Willis With Steve Carell In EVERYTHING
On the list of People We Don’t Like, Woody Allen is pretty close to the top. We don’t talk about Bruce Willis much around these parts, and maybe our nostalgic love for Moonlighting, The Fifth Element, and some of the Die Hards keeps us from paying too much attention to his horrible reputation. But after Sylvester Stallone called him “greedy and lazy” and Kevin Smith called him a “fucking dick” who was “soul crushing” to work with— oh right, and he majorly talks down to normal and non-assholish interviewers on press junkets— why isn’t he higher on our shit list?
All of this is to say, when the news came out earlier this week that Ass #1 (Allen) had fired Ass #2 (Willis) off of #1’s new untitled movie, most of us couldn’t muster even a “meh.” But now Willis has reportedly been replaced with the furthest thing from a jerkwad: Steve Carell.
This is a big ol’ double-edged sword here. On the one hand, Steve Carell should be in EVERYTHING. He should be in every new movie, but also anything that Bruce Willis has ever been in, I would like someone to go back and digitally replace him with Carell. Also, this means we get to see Steve Carell in a badass pinstripe suit. (No word on the sneakers.)
On the other hand, I’m sure it’s hard for an actor to turn down a role in a Woody Allen movie, as he’s still somehow a very big deal and his name has major cache, but my god do I wish people would try. Because when it comes to Woody Allen and his wide-eyed hapless ingenues going gaggingly gaga over the listless male lead twice her age (not to mention his real-life version of that same story), well…