Have we talked about American Horror Story: Hotel, the upcoming season of the anthology horror series? We haven’t? I wonder if that’s because Lady Gaga is the star.
AHS: Hotel also stars Matt Bomer as Donovan, Kathy Bates as Iris, Angela Bassett as Ramona, Evan Peters as Mr. March, and Sarah Paulson as Hypodermic Sally. Lily Rabe, another AHS alum, is now in talks to play a female serial killer that resides/resided in the hotel.
THEN WHO IS HYPODERMIC SALLY? Is she just a drug dealer? Is she a phlebotomist? Will the serial killer be named Stabby Murder McKillingstein??
Anyway, this news doesn’t really make me want to start back on a series I abandoned only a few episodes into AHS: Coven. That season was a bore after the original insaity of Murder House and a season in an asylum filled with alcoholic nuns, murderous Santa, and aliens. I didn’t return for AHS: Freak Show because I didn’t trust Ryan Murphy to make the loss of sleep worth my while. It would take some serious shenanigans and goings-on for me to return for a haunted hotel that contains Lady Gaga. According to Murphy, this season is going back to the crying-while-masturbating-because-the-house-took-all-my-loved-ones first season:
“The upcoming season that we’re doing is much more horror-based; it’s much more dark. It’s about a theme and an idea that’s very close to my heart that I’ve always wanted to do that’s a little bloodier and grislier I think than anything that we’ve done before; it’s straight horror this year. Murder House, I thought, was a very primal season because everybody’s great fear is about the bogeyman under the bed in their house, and this feels similar to me in that when you check into a hotel, there are certain things beyond your control… Other people have the keys to your room; they can come in there. You’re not exactly safe, it’s a very unsettling idea.”
Let’s get real here: what’s the over under on Murphy fucking us over with long, boring buildup to some sort of heavily idiotic and unfulfilling finale while throwing every horror cliche in the book into the mix? I’m not a math scientist, but I would say that on a scale of one to ten, Murphy screwing this up is a definite eleventy-four.