The remakes are coming outta the walls. They’re coming outta the goddamn walls!
And in today’s almost obligatory remake news, Bloody Disgusting has learned that Fox, which is already relaunching the Predator franchise, is now putting together an Alien reboot.
You heard me. They’re rebooting Alien.
I know you’re not surprised, and don’t act like you’re not going to see it. You’re going to bitch and moan for 12 months, but then Fox will put out an awesome trailer, and we’ll all be like: Holy Shit! I am so there. And then one of us will give it a horrible review, and 80 percent of you will refuse to believe us and be, like, “It’s Alien. How bad can it be.” And then you’ll see it in the theater and walk out weeping.
And then they’ll make a sequel to the reboot. And we’ll see that, too. We’re all fucking cinematic masochists. Can I get an Amen?!
And no: This is not a rumor. It’s happening. Tony and Ridley Scott are on board as producers, and they’ve even dug up a director, Carl Rinsch, who is nobody you’ve ever heard of. Word is that’s it’s not a remake so much as it is an origins story. Goddamn: I’m sick of origins stories.
So the question is: Who is gonna play Ripley? Let’s just all make a pact, folks, as readers and writers of this site, that if they cast Megan Fox, we hold the next Paji-Bacon in L.A. And we torch the fucking city. Burn that house down.