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Ain't Too Proud to Ted

By Brian Prisco | Industry | September 21, 2010 |

By Brian Prisco | Industry | September 21, 2010 |

We love speculation. Perhaps behind Ghostbusters 3 and the Goonies sequel, the most rumor-milled film has been the talks around a third Bill and Ted adventure/journey/odyssey/bananarama. Of course, the only major stumbling block has been Keanu Reeves resistance to such a project. He had always said there was “No Way!” he would even consider tainting his career with that.

But now that he’s basically got no career to taint, and no one cares about him at the box office anymore, he’s decided to throw caution to the gods of Fukkit, and he’s ready and willing. Provided someone can bring him a good script. Let’s face it. William Sadler hasn’t been doing shit since Die Hard blew his naked-kung-fuing ass up. And I’m pretty sure Alex Winter served me my burger at Fuddrucker’s this afternoon. Shit, even De Nomolos is still alive if they want to bring his 82 year old ass back as the bad guy.

MTV ambushed Reeves and asked him on camera in this interview if he was ever gonna say yes to Bill & Ted 3. He gave such a politicial answer, I’m surprised he’s not out there masturhating like Christine O’Donnell. So this is of course speculation at best.

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Sadly, no phantom tollbooth with bring Rufus back from the great beyond. So I’m already a little sour on the prospect. But they can honestly do whatever the fuck they want with a third Bill & Ted and it won’t matter. The second one featured Home Depot cyborgs created by an alien named Station that fought at a battle of the bands. This was after Bill & Ted escaped the clutches of Death by playing Battleship and Twister. So….yeah. Doors pretty much a jar.

Lest we forget, the future as we know it is based on Wyld Stallynz philosophy of being most excellent to one another. So it’s not entirely out of place that Bill & Ted would be futuristic gurus and middle aged dudes. I’m afraid they’ll go all Robin Williams in Hook on me, or Wild Hogz, or any manner of middle aged glory hounds. It will undoubtedly involved a shit ton of cameos, which I adore, but it’ll probably be with today’s celebrities. In a perfect world, they will eschew the BTTF Paradox and avoid any sort of lessons or morals and replicate the first movie as a career day presentation to their two sons who have become uptight Ayn Rand prigs — only completely in a more successful version of Walk Hard: The Favors We Do For John C. Reilly.

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