As it is No Whining Wednesday, it is incumbent upon us to find the silver lining in the shit cloud floating above us (actually, that cloud is dumping 8 inches of snow on my fair town, at the moment). That’s not exactly an easy task, given the project in question, a movie called Pretend Wife, a Happy Madison production being developed for Adam Sandler.
Want more bad news? One of Hollywood’s worst screenwriters, Allan Loeb (21), wrote the script, with Tim Dowling (Role Models). Oh, but wait! There’s more: Longtime Sandler collaborator Dennis Dugan is the likely director — Dugan, of course, directed I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry and The Benchwarmers, two movies that knocked 14 points of the collective American IQ.
We haven’t hit rock bottom yet, folks. But this last piece of news is actually the silver lining in the project: Jennifer Aniston is set to star opposite Sandler.
How the hell is that good news? Well, the Sandler Curse, of course. As we’ve discussed frequently, women who star opposite Adam Sandler have a tendency to fall off the big-screen radar after the movie opens (see Winona Ryder, Fairuza Balk, Joey Lauren Adams, Patricia Arquette, and Jessica Biel, who has been in one hell of a monster slump since Chuck and Larry). So, it follows that, after Pretend Wife opens, Jennifer Aniston’s career will fade into oblivion, starting with a few box-office duds, followed by some straight-to-DVD offerings, then a short-lived television series, before finally landing in a world called Obscura!
The movie is set to open on Valentine’s weekend in 2011, and according to The Hollywood Reporter, the script “is being kept under wraps.”
Ha! Fuck that. Thanks to The Hollywood Cog, we have the full logline, so you know exactly how bad a movie to expect:
“It’s about a commitment-phobic 40-year-old, who pretends to have a wife and kids in order to avoid real relationships. However, he believes he’s found the woman of his dreams in the form of a gorgeous 22-year-old. When she threatens to leave him, however, he’s forced to use his 30-something office manager as a stand-in for his fabricated wife, in order to keep her. Nothing goes as planned, naturally, and he ends up falling for the office manager.”
Suck it Happy Madison.