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A Thursday Morning Treat: Ear Cancer!

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | October 14, 2010 |

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | October 14, 2010 |

Have you see this? HAVE YOU SEEN THIS? The video for Gwyneth Paltrow’s title song for her upcoming flick, Country Strong? I swear to God, part of me wants to laugh, and the other part wants to put a blanket over her head and steer her clear of the paparazzi. If I liked Paltrow just a little, I’d be crazy embarrassed for her. How much lack of self-awareness does this lady have to have to not only star in a fictional country music biopic, but to make a country-music video?

Country music has been watered down a lot over the years (I mean: Hootie is a chart topper on the country music charts, for God’s sake, though it actually suits him: Strong voice, cheesy lyrics). But there’s a certain sensibility one needs to have to be a successful country music singer. You need a certain amount of modesty, humbleness, and at least some Southern roots to pull from. Jesus: This lady was born to famous parents in Los Angeles and is married to the dude from Coldplay. And she fancies herself some sort of hippy-dippy Kaballah Martha Stewart.

Gwyneth Paltrow is not a woman who can credibly sing about trailer homes, whiskey, nostalgia, class consciousness or Jesus. She just can’t. And her attempts to do so make her look foolish. The target audience for this movie is going to reject the hell out of it, and there’s not enough Tim McGraw’s in the world to save it.

Leather pants and sleeveless shirts? Come on, lady. Go back to your goddamn cocktail parties before Reba flies over to your posh London flat and wipes the floor with your skinny ass.

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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.