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A Mary Poppins Remake, As Envisioned by Christopher Nolan

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | June 18, 2013 |

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | June 18, 2013 |

I’m not sure if Ken Levine — a former “Cheers,” “Wings,” and “M*A*S*H” writer/producer, as well as the guy who wrote the awesome Tom Hanks movie, Volunteers and, er, Mannequin: On the Move — is officially retired from writing, but of late, he mostly blogs, and he’s really good at it. He’s like a blogging pundit now, talking at length about the industry, about his time on the many sitcoms he’s written for, weighing in on the Dan Harmon stuff, and even slamming Zach Braff for his Kickstarter. For a 63 year old coot, he’s pretty f*cking fantastic, and his blog is always a great source of intelligence and amusement.

This falls into the latter category, as I guess Ken Levine woke up this morning, having had a fever dream about Christopher Nolan remaking Mary Poppins, and he committed the idea to a blog post. Check out the whole thing here, but here’s an excerpt:

It now takes place during the bombing of London in World War II. Let’s take some creative historical license and blow up Big Ben and the Parliament building. We have the means to do that in a very cool way. To punctuate the moment cut to an Englishman saying “SuperFUCKINGcalifragilisticexpialidocious!” as a double decker bus almost decapitates him. We can still say two fucks and keep our PG-13.

Bert, the street performer, is a loner with a dark past. Dick Van Dyke was fine for his day but I see Steve Buscemi. He should always be an ominous presence. He himself was abused as a child and we must always be afraid when he is around children.

His fellow street people are all damaged due to the horrors of World War I. There might be some comedy in seeing them act silly as long as we understand it is because they are deeply traumatized.

There will be no singing, dancing, or animation in this new version. Anything to take us out of the reality of innocent people being slaughtered is counter-productive. Modern children don’t want fuzzy bedtime stories. They want to be scared shitless. Let’s do that for three hours.

I would so watch that movie, though as someone pointed out in the comments, there is a recut trailer for Mary Poppins as a horror movie, which is also great.

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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.