7 Things You Need to Know Today to Avoid Pop-Culture Atrophy
Guy Ritchie is directing the film adaptation of “The Man From U.N.C.L.E.,” which stars Tom Cruise as Napoleon Solo. Now we have Armie “&” Hammer joining the cast as Russian Illya Kuryakin. This movie is going to have more giant teeth than any film before it, and that includes Cloverfield, all of the Godzillas, and Julia Roberts’ entire filmography. I wonder which actress will be the less-than-convincing love interest for Cruise this time…
Television shows turn into movies and movies, alas, sometimes become television shows. For instance, MTV has ordered Scream be punched until it can be aired on the “music” channel in series form. Hell, Wes Craven has agreed to piss on the movies by directing the one hour pilot. SlashFilm suggests pulling an “American Horror Story” and making each season a self-contained story. I suggest that MTV stops.
James Ellroy is shopping L.A. Confidential around town, eager to turn it into a television series. I doubt MTV will touch this one, so I’m a smidge more optimistic. Obviously FX, AMC, and other cable channels now have the means to bring something like this to the small screen and do it well. Only time will tell if the second time is a charm, as this isn’t the first attempt at a series. Kiefer Sutherland starred in that pilot, which was a turd.
Rounding out the trio of movies to television conversions is Johnny Mnemonic. That’s right. The television attempt won’t be based on the original short story by William Gibson, but on the forgettable 90’s film version starring Keanu Reeves. Neat.
FX is finally casting Guillermo del Toro’s series “The Strain.” They’ve snagged Corey Stoll (“House of Cards”) to play lead Dr. Ephraim Goodweather. Dr. Goodweather is the head of the Center for Disease Control and must help save humanity when a vampire virus infects the population.
Julia Stiles and Scott Speedman have signed on to Spanish director Lluis Quilez’s haunted house film Out of the Dark. Stephen Rea is also set to star in the story of a family, Stiles and Speedman, that moves to Colombia to take over the family business. They, along with their daughter, come to believe that the house they now live in is haunted. I’ll guess that the daughter is the first to be creepy or notice things, possibly beginning with an “imaginary friend” that isn’t imaginary. However, if Speedman has a beard? I AM ON BOARD.
I’ve saved the
best worst for last. The Other Woman, starring Nickolaj Coster-Waldau, Cameron Diaz, Leslie Mann, and Kate Upton, has added another woman to the cast. Gird your loins, kids. It’s Nicki Minaj.
Minaj will be Diaz’s assistant at a law firm and will be playing Hollywood’s Sassy Black Woman On Her Third Marriage. I’m not sure if it’s worse that Nicki Minaj will be acting in a movie or that she’s been cast in such a stereotypical and insulting role in a film full of white people. I’m sure you’ll all be very forthcoming with your opinions on the matter.