6 Things You Must Know Today to Be an Informed Citizen of the Internet
They’re splitting the final book of the Hunger Games, Mockingjay, into two movies. Yay! Two movies! But wait? Mockingjay was the worst book of the trilogy, and the book less idea for splitting into two. It was already split into three sections. Are they going to end the movie halfway through the second section? Am I going to pay a $12 and receive zero satisfaction? Come on, Lionsgate. Why you gotta go there? And why do you have to make us wait a year in between installments? Why does everything have to be about money!
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A couple of weeks ago, we brought you news that the best cast show on network television added four more brilliant actors to their next season. Now, according to Vulture, “The Good Wife” had added a fifth: Amanda Peete “will play a military lawyer who sues a contract worker for an attempted sexual assault. She hires Alicia to instead represent her, and the two become fast friends.” WILL THEY MAKE OUT?
What’s the consensus around here on breastfeeding older kids? Like, three and four and five year old children? I’ll tell you what your opinion is. Your opinion is: You don’t give a shit. It’s not your kid, it’s not your body, and you’re not the parent. If a Mom wants to nurse her kid until he’s waiting for the bus to go to first grade, that’s none of our goddamn concern. But the producers behind “Bridezillas” and “Dance Moms” want to make it your concern by making a reality show, “Extreme Parenting,” that will focus on the “kooky” rituals of certain parents, specifically those that breastfeed their children into nursing homes. “Kooky” is as kooky does, assholes.
Tom Cruise CAN MOVE SHIT WITH HIS MIND. According to the latest “revelations,” Tom Cruise has achieved the level of Scientology known as Operating Thetan. That means he can “move inanimate objects with their minds, leave [his body] at will and telepathically communicate with, and control the behaviour of, both animals and human beings.”
I suppose that would explain his daring-doo on the set of Ghost Protocol. If he fell off the tallest building in the world, he could just MOVE THE GROUND CLOSER TO HIM. I guess he’s still working out the kinks, however, because he was unable to control the behavior of Katie Holmes, unless that’s how he got her to agree to a quick divorce settlement.
Do you want to see the new extended TV trailer for The Bourne Legacy? Does Gary Busey shit in the woods?
There will be a Scary Movie 5. The guy who directed Undercover Brother will direct it. According to The Wrap, Lindsay Lohan is in negotiations to appear. You have been warned.