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5 Things You May Not Have Heard About This Week: People Really Need to Get Over Sh*t That Doesn't Affect Them

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | April 15, 2012 |

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | April 15, 2012 |

Ms. Cindy Davis is currently on Spring Break in Florida, 27 cocktails into her Sunday, flinging her bra at David Hasselhoff, so I am covering 5 Things You May Not Have Heard About This Week. Please, keep your seat. Don’t get up on my account.

5. Danny McBride, who wrapped us the entire series of “Eastbound and Down” tonight, and who hasn’t exactly lit it up on the big screen yet, is set to remake the Danish comedy, Klovn, with Todd Phillips producing. The dark comedy began as a television series, before spinning off into a movie, and it’s being compared to Phillips’ Hangover. It follows two men looking forward to “a wild, bros-only “Tour de Pussy” canoe trip / sex spree. But when one discovers that his girlfriend is pregnant, he decides to prove his worthiness as a father by dragging her eleven-year-old son along to the event. ” That has a lot of echoes of the currently concluding series of “Eastbound and Down.” No offense to McBride, but his sexist macho bravado shtick is best relegated to bit parts. I don’t think I can handle another hour and a half of Kenny Powers on a canoe trip. I’d also like the McBride/Kenny Powers personae a lot more if douchebag meatheads didn’t idolize the character so unironically.

4. Fox yanked “Breaking In” from its schedule, effectively canceling the series for the second time. As you may recall, the show was canceled at the end of last season, but Fox changed course over the summer. Unfortunately, part of that overhaul was turning a fairly funny show into a bland one, dropping its best character (Michael Rosenbaum’s Douche) and bringing in Megan Mulally. It hasn’t been the same. Expect the remaining episodes to be burned off this summer.

3. Deadline reports that, with so many contracts up at the end of the current season of “The Office” (John Krasinski, Jenna Fischer, Ed Helms) with at least two characters leaving the show (James Spader and Mindy Kaling), and Rainn Wilson potentially getting his own spin-off, “Word is that ‘The Office’ executive producer Greg Daniels, who originally developed the American version of the cult British comedy, is mulling a reboot of the series, now in its eighth season.” The key phrase in that sentence is “Word is,” which is Nikki Finke’s double-speak for, “I’m pulling this out of my ass because I’m getting my butt handed to me by Variety, so I’m grasping at anything that sounds even remotely plausible.” That is to say, don’t count on it. Sitcom reboots don’t work. Ask “Scrubs 2.0” and “Saved by the Bell: The New Class.” After this week’s episode, the best thing “The Office” could do is shoot itself in the head.

2. Eli Manning will become the first NFL quarterback to host “Saturday Night Live” since his brother, Peyton, did so in 2007. If he’s half as good as Peyton was on “SNL,” it’ll be the best episode of the season.

1. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie finally got engaged this week, so naturally the big story was “How does Jennifer Aniston feel about it?”

No hurt feelings in this engagement! Jennifer Aniston couldn’t be happier for Brad and Angelina, sources tell exclusively.

You know how the source is? A fucking hairdresser or the goddamn cashier at the supermarket Aniston frequents. A nobody. You know what? Jennifer Aniston really, honestly does not give a shit about Brad and Angelina getting married. You know who does give a shit? People fucking obsessed and unable to let go of the Brad/Angelina/Aniston dynamic. Whoever these people are, get the fuck over it. Stop it. You’re pathetic. It’s been, like, a decade, and you know what else? It wasn’t your fucking marriage to begin with. It was the marriage of two people you didn’t know, and who do not give a shit about you or what side you’ve taken in this imaginary fucking love triangle you’ve conjured up in your tiny little pea brain. So stop it. You’re embarrassing yourself. You are insufferable little twits and Angelina and Aniston are not sports teams for which you root: They are people. People who don’t care about you or what allegiance you support.

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.

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