film / tv / politics / social media / lists / web / celeb / pajiba love / misc / about / cbr
film / tv / politics / web / celeb


I Got Me The Jonah Hill Street Blues

By Brian Prisco | Industry | January 18, 2010 |

By Brian Prisco | Industry | January 18, 2010 |

Jonah Hill is expecting to start shooting on his big screen version of 21 Jump Street. He’s insisting that he’s not trying to play Johnny Depp’s character or that it’s going to make fun of the original source material. It’s going to be an action comedy. He’s claiming that it’s going to be “John Hughes’ version of Bad Boys.” I suspect it’s going to be more like Bad Boys 2. Woosa? Wooshit.

Why the balls does this need to be turned into a big screen adaptation? I mean, the show was basically undercover cops in high school busting up a drug ring. This kind of shit happens every day. My senior year, a bunch of cops pretended to be seniors to break up an acid ring. How? Some burnout used to yell out in study hall: “Anyone have drugs to sell? I want drugs.” What a fucking moron. But not as stupid as the fucking kids who actually got busted by his sting. Are people that committed to the brand name 21 Jump Street? Especially if the lead guy’s not going to be sexy Johnny Depp but schlubby Jonah Hill?

I’m not saying it’s not a good idea, nor that Jonah Hill can’t play leading man in an action-comedy like Pineapple Express. Actually. That’s exactly what I’m saying. Family was in from out of town and we went to get breakfast, and saw Jonah Hill pumping his own gas. I think that’s about his max speed. Not doing Bad Boys stunts. Bull-fucking-shit. I want you to picture him from springing away from a massive explosion in slow-motion and not see ripples flying like the entire punchline to Fat Albert.

Action-comedy can be funny — when it’s someone like Bruce Willis or even Will Smith. The Apatowheads can’t pull off action comedy. Remember Bulletproof with Adam Sandler? Particularly since this is a fucking high school drug ring bust. Are they going to have school busses exploding and flipping over? Is there going to be a massive shoot out during a pep rally? It’s not going to work. It’s going to be humiliating. And Jonah Hill is not leading man material. He’s a second banana, at best. Whatever. Once you’ve made a couple million, you can pretty much do whatever you want anymore. Turn Marmaduke into a gritty dogfighting scandal flick. Make a musical about Virginia Tech. It doesn’t matter.

What to Expect When You're Expecting: The Movie | First Look Eat, Pray Love, Zookeeper, Wall Street, Grown Ups, and Mpre