The “MTV Movie Awards” were held last night, which — like most people with a modicum of taste — I didn’t realize until this morning because last night saw the penultimate episode of “Mad Men” and the season finale of “Game of Thrones.” Who the hell would choose the MTV Movie Awards over those options?
Oh, 14-year-old girls, of course. That would also explain why a Johnny Depp — who is only 48 — received what was tantamount to the Lifetime Achievement Award from a bunch of school girls who have probably not even seen his best work (What’s Eating Gilbert Grape, for the record).
Anyway, the winners are about what you’d imagine: Twilight, Harry Potter and Hunger Games. Also, that LMFAO won an award should give you the twitches you need to wake up in the morning. Oh, and Lautner: Dude. Until you can grow a decent goddamn moustache, don’t even try.
— Movie of the Year: “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1.”
— Best Male Performance: Josh Hutcherson, “The Hunger Games.”
— Best Female Performance: Jennifer Lawrence, “The Hunger Games.”
— Breakthrough Performance: Shailene Woodley, “The Descendants.”
— Best Comedic Performance: Melissa McCarthy, “Bridesmaids.”
— Best Cast: Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Rupert Grint and Tom Felton, “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2.”
— Best Hero: Harry Potter, “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2.”
— Best Music: LMFAO’s “Party Rock Anthem,” ”21 Jump Street.”
— Best Kiss: Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson, “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1.”
— Best Fight: Jennifer Lawrence and Josh Hutcherson vs. Alexander Ludwig, “The Hunger Games.”
— Best On-Screen Dirtbag: Jennifer Aniston, “Horrible Bosses.”
— Best On-Screen Transformation: Elizabeth Banks, “The Hunger Games.”
— Best Gut-Wrenching Performance: Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph, Rose Byrne, Melissa McCarthy, Wendi McLendon-Covey and Ellie Kemper, “Bridesmaids.”
— MTV Trailblazer Award: Emma Stone.
— MTV Generation Award: Johnny Depp.