Well, the nominations for the 54th Grammy Awards were announced, and they’re shockingly decent. I mean, still coated in a nougatty layer of “I asked my nieces what they have on their iPod and this is what I am to understand the kids today seem to like” but decent nonetheless, you know, for the Grammys. They stuck to their fairly standard formula of “most popular songs and artists, one who was cool until they blew up last year, one classic (sorry, everyone, we’re old now and Foo Fighters count as classic) and one well-known but still obscure to people who don’t like music artist.” Also, they still don’t know what “new” means.
All in all, I’m pretty fine with this. I don’t know what a Skrillex is, and I’d sooner lick Bieber’s hair than hear a Bruno Mars song again as long as I live, but he was obviously going to be nominated because he sold a lot of…albums? I guess? I don’t know how it works anymore. But Book of Mormon is nominated, putting Matt and Trey further on their path to EGOT. So that’s neat.
Here are the awards people care about, and the ones I actually care about. It will be fairly clear which are which. That said, Lady Gaga was fucking robbed. Stop judging me. I hate you.
Record Of The Year
“Rolling In The Deep” — Adele
“Holocene” — Bon Iver
“Grenade” — Bruno Mars
“The Cave” — Mumford & Sons
“Firework” — Katy Perry
Album Of The Year
21 — Adele
Wasting Light — Foo Fighters
Born This Way — Lady Gaga
Doo-Wops & Hooligans — Bruno Mars
Loud — Rihanna
Song Of The Year
“All Of The Lights” — Jeff Bhasker, Malik Jones, Warren Trotter & Kanye West, songwriters (Kanye West, Rihanna, Kid Cudi & Fergie)
“The Cave” — Ted Dwane, Ben Lovett, Marcus Mumford & Country Winston, songwriters (Mumford & Sons)
“Grenade” — Brody Brown, Claude Kelly, Philip Lawrence, Ari Levine, Bruno Mars & Andrew Wyatt, songwriters (Bruno Mars)
“Holocene” — Justin Vernon, songwriter (Bon Iver)
“Rolling In The Deep” — Adele Adkins & Paul Epworth, songwriters (Adele)
Best New Artist
The Band Perry
Best Pop Duo/Group Performance
“Body And Soul” by Tony Bennett & Amy Winehouse
“Dearest” by the Black Keys
“Paradise” by Coldplay
“Pumped Up Kicks” by Foster The People
“Moves Like Jagger” by Maroon 5 & Christina Aguilera.
For Best Alternative Music Album
Bon Iver by Bon Iver
Codes And Keys by Death Cab For Cutie
Torches by Foster The People
Circuital by My Morning Jacket
The King Of Limbs by Radiohead.
Best Americana Album
Emotional Jukebox by Linda Chorney
Pull Up Some Dust And Sit Down by Ry Cooder
Hard Bargain by Emmylou Harris
Ramble At The Ryman by Levon Helm
Blessed by Lucinda Williams.
Best Folk Album
Barton Hollow by the Civil Wars
I’ll Never Get Out Of This World Alive by Steve Earle
Helplessness Blues by Fleet Foxes
Ukulele Songs by Eddie Vedder
The Harrow & The Harvest by Gillian Welch
Best Spoken Word
Tina Fey, Bossypants
Nathan Burbank, Bryan Cumming, Dennis Scott & David Toledo (album producers), Fab Fan Memories - The Beatles Bond (by Various Artists)
Dan Donohue and various performers, Hamlet (William Shakespeare)
Betty White, If You Ask Me (And Of Course You Won’t)
Val Kilmer & Cast, The Mark of Zorro
And so you don’t get too worked up, here are other artists who were nominated for Grammys. Because the Grammys don’t count. They are the People’s Choice Awards of music.
9. Lou Bega
6. Justin Bieber
5. The Pussycat Dolls
1. Seth MacFarlane (he’s nominated this year. Twice.)