By Dustin Rowles | Industry | August 10, 2009 |
By Dustin Rowles | Industry | August 10, 2009 |
The Teen Choice Awards were filmed last night, and in order to quell any inkling of curiosity any of you might have about the show (which airs tonight on FOX), here’s a rundown of the winners. Twilight, of course, won 11 of the 12 categories for which it was nominated. And just to give you an idea of how painfully awful these awards are, Marley and Me won for best Bromantic Comedy, and George freakin’ Lopez was for best comedian. And I don’t even know who spawned the Best Celebrity Baby. Probably a Jonas Brother.
While looking over the list, I took a Tums after each award winner that upset my stomach. I went through two bottles. There is not one single winner among this list that, in any way, gives me hope for the future. Not a single one (well, maybe Bo Obama for best pet). And now I have late onset gastric reflux. It feels like I swallowed a car battery in my sleep.
So, for today’s Pajiba PSA: If you see a teenager while you’re out and about today, kill it. No mercy. Just snuff it out. Smother it with a Twilight pillow. In ten years, they’ll end up taking your job anyway.
CHOICE MOVIE: ACTION ADVENTURE
X-Men Origins: Wolverine
CHOICE MOVIE: DRAMA
Twilight
CHOICE MOVIE: ROMANCE
Twilight
CHOICE MOVIE: BROMANTIC COMEDY
Marley & Me
CHOICE MOVIE: COMEDY
Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian
CHOICE MOVIE: HORROR/THRILLER
Friday the 13th
CHOICE MOVIE: MUSIC/DANCE
High School Musical 3: Senior Year
CHOICE MOVIE ACTOR: DRAMA
Robert Pattinson, Twilight
CHOICE MOVIE ACTRESS: DRAMA
Kristen Stewart, Twilight
CHOICE MOVIE ACTOR: ACTION ADVENTURE
Hugh Jackman, X-Men Origins: Wolverine
CHOICE MOVIE ACTRESS: ACTION ADVENTURE
Jordana Brewster, Fast & Furious
CHOICE MOVIE ACTOR: COMEDY
Zac Efron, 17 Again
CHOICE MOVIE ACTRESS: COMEDY
Anne Hathaway, Bride Wars
CHOICE MOVIE ACTRESS: MUSIC/DANCE
Miley Cyrus, Hannah Montana: The Movie
CHOICE MOVIE ACTOR: MUSIC/DANCE
Zac Efron, High School Musical 3: Senior Year
CHOICE MOVIE: VILLIAN
Cam Gigandet, Twilight
CHOICE MOVIE: FRESH FACE FEMALE
Ashley Greene, Twilight
CHOICE MOVIE: FRESH FACE MALE
Taylor Lautner, Twilight
CHOICE SUMMER MOVIE: DRAMA
My Sister’s Keeper
CHOICE SUMMER MOVIE: COMEDY
Up
CHOICE SUMMER MOVIE: ROMANCE
The Proposal
CHOICE SUMMER MOVIE: ACTION ADVENTURE
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
CHOICE SUMMER MOVIE STAR: MALE
Shia LaBeouf, Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen
CHOICE SUMMER MOVIE STAR: FEMALE
Megan Fox, Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen
CHOICE MOVIE HISSY FIT
Miley Cyrus, Hannah Montana: The Movie
CHOICE TV SHOW: DRAMA
Gossip Girl
CHOICE TV SHOW: ACTION ADVENTURE
Heroes
CHOICE TV SHOW: COMEDY
Hannah Montana
CHOICE TV: ANIMATED SHOW
SpongeBob SquarePants
CHOICE TV: REALITY
The Hills
CHOICE TV: REALITY MUSIC COMPETITION
American Idol
CHOICE TV ACTOR: DRAMA
Chace Crawford, Gossip Girl
CHOICE TV ACTRESS: DRAMA
Leighton Meester, Gossip Girl
CHOICE TV ACTOR: ACTION ADVENTURE
Tom Welling, Smallville
CHOICE TV ACTRESS: ACTION ADVENTURE
Hayden Panettiere, Heroes
CHOICE TV ACTOR: COMEDY
Jonas Brothers, JONAS
CHOICE TV ACTRESS: COMEDY
Miley Cyrus, Hannah Montana
CHOICE TV: PERSONALITY
Ryan Seacrest, American Idol / E! News
CHOICE TV: BREAKOUT STAR FEMALE
Demi Lovato, Sonny With a Chance
CHOICE TV: BREAKOUT STAR MALE
Frankie Jonas, JONAS
CHOICE TV: MALE REALITY/VARIETY STAR
Adam Lambert, American Idol
CHOICE TV: FEMALE REALITY/VARIETY STAR
Lauren Conrad, The Hills
CHOICE TV: VILLAIN
Ed Westwick, Gossip Girl
CHOICE FAB-U-LOUS!
Miss Jay, America’s Next Top Model
CHOICE TV: SIDEKICK
Emily Osment, Hannah Montana
CHOICE TV: LATE NIGHT SHOW
Chelsea Lately
CHOICE TV: PARENTAL UNIT
Billy Ray Cyrus, Hannah Montana
CHOICE COMEDIAN
George Lopez
CHOICE CELEBRITY ACTIVIST
Hayden Panettiere
CHOICE CELEBRITY PET
Bo Obama
CHOICE CELEBRITY BABY
Honor Marie Warren
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