I would call Shia LeBeouf a twat, but that would imply he had some depth or warmth. He is quickly rocketing to Sean Penn levels of asshattery with his bogus apology to Alec Baldwin, stemming from his punching a door and being booted from the Broadway play Orphans starring the two. Vulture reports that LeBeouf has now been replaced by Ben Foster, thus closing my Sean Penn loop and leaving Broadway much more handsome than it was before.
Anchorman: The Legend Continues has cast Ron Burgandy’s new nemesis. James Marsden will play the rival anchorman in the comedy sequel, set to release December 20th of this year. I actually think Marsden will fit in with the rest of the cast. Marsden is a funny dude and he can play assh*le well (see Sex Drive). I hope his mother is a saint and he knows how to dodge a machete.
Michael Bay’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles has cast…Megan Fox! Apparently Bay enjoys working with people that call him Hitler and Napoleon as long as they look good in very little clothing. Do you think….no. Well…maybe. Fox is…April O’Neil?? According to EVERYWHERE…she is April O’ Neil.
Leonardo DiCaprio said he was taking a break from movies, but he’s a lying liar who lies! DiCaprio will produce and most likely star in The Road Home, which is an adaptation of a novel that hasn’t even been released yet. Scott Cooper (Crazy Heart) has been tapped as writer and director for the story about a rancher who investigates a murder.
Ohhhhh boy! TK will have another Nicholas Sparks movie to review next year! The Longest Ride has its love-struck eyes set on a Valentine’s Day 2014 release date and will likely center around white people falling in love, one of them dying/having a disease/being pushed away because of socioeconomic differences, and then getting back together. Delights.
Neill Blomkamp (District 9) will be working on his third film, Chappie, before his second film, Elysium is released. Elysium is set in 2159. The classes of society are now only two: the wealthy who live on the ship Elysium and the poor who live on the overcrowded Earth. The poor want to sneak onto the paradise that is Elysium and Matt Damon is supposed to make sure that they don’t. Meanwhile, Chappie will be a sci-fi comedy.
Taylor Kitsch is looking to bring his special brand of box office poison to the thriller Exit 147. Kitsch would be a warped small town sheriff that picks up a man so that they can play a cruel game. Probably not Battleship.
Christian Slater is still getting movie roles, most recently in the Elmore Leonard adaptation Freaky Deaky. The film also stars Mustache Dad Billy Burke (Twilight), Crispin Glover, and Michael Jai White (Black Dynamite).
Adam Sandler was set to make a Western (Ridiculous 6) for Warner Bros., but Seth MacFarlane’s A Million Ways To Die In The West has caused him to change track. Instead, Sandler will be starring in a comedy about a blended family with the logline: “After a disastrous blind date, Jim and Lauren find themselves, each with their kids from a previous marriage, stuck together in a resort for families. Despite everything they can do to resist, the attraction grows between the two, and their kids benefit from the growing relationship.” Drew Barrymore is the frontrunner for Lauren. Puke.
Two words: Zombie Western. Two more words: Wesley Snipes. Gallowwalkers, much like its star, has been sitting for the last six years and is finally ready for release.
BONUS: New Iron Man 3 poster featuring Ben Kingsley.
Jodi Smith is the Associate Trade News Editor at Pajiba. You can email her or follow her on Twitter.